Hugo & Eloise.

One of the most rewarding and beautiful things about having two children is to watch their relationship develop.

With Eloise still being so young, it's mostly a one way street at the moment but it's already fascinating.

Far from the jealousy and tantrums we are all made to expect when a toddler gets a sibling, Hugo's calm and affectionate nature continues to enchant and amaze us.

His affection for Eloise keeps growing. From gentle pats and forehead to forehead "kisses", he has now been asking to hold her. Once she is carefully positioned on his lap, he caresses her head softly or just gazes at her. This only lasts a short time before he is ready to move onto other games but it's clear he enjoys the responsibility and the experience.

He also enjoys imitating and helping us, patting her when she cries, handing us her diapers and dictating where she should sit, lay or sleep. In the car, he leans over from his seat to hers to hold her hand.

We're not the only ones Hugo imitates. Once in a while, he starts moaning, pretending to cry and comes over for a hug, resting his soft head on our shoulder or lap.

I cannot describe how proud I feel of him and the way his gentle and caring nature is shining through at a time where he learns to share his parents' affection and attention. He is truly a gift and not least to Eloise who, I can only hope, has a friend for life in her big brother.

A period of growth.

I have just rediscovered this post, written a couple months ago and never posted. It's interesting for me to read it now and remember exactly what headspace I was in when I wrote it. In some ways, life is easier today than it was then. There is plenty to do but our lives feel less pulled apart between children, work, renovations and everything else we were trying to finish before the birth of Eloise.

I still think of this time I have ahead of me with the children as an opportunity to grow, rather than to shrink. I hope I can realise it.

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I've been a little in the dumps recently.

It's not due to a single factor but rather a combination of many things. Moving into the later stages of pregnancy and the physical exhaustion that comes with it, a busy and changing toddler to entertain and wrangle, house renovations which take up any spare moment Chris might have when he isn't working full-time, the heat, constant pain in my hips and a justified amount of fear at the thought of everything I have slowly regained and am about to give up again for a while.

I am ending this pregnancy in a very different mindset and context to the last time when I was very busy getting work done, fostering a thriving social life, taking refreshing dips in the ocean every morning and evening, enjoying the good life while we could...

This time, I am in the unpleasant situation of trying to get paid for work I did months ago, my social life is alive but less varied, and going to the beach has turned into an exhausting expedition that usually leaves me feeling more depleted than refreshed.

In other words, I have been in the dumps because all that is 'gone' - even temporarily - seems to be standing in the way of all I have gained. And I have gained a lot!

In any case, the power of the mind to find the light is inspiring as I asked myself how I could turn this time into something positive, enriching and inspiring not only for my children, but for myself too despite having limited access to work and free time.

I asked myself if the next two years could somehow become a time of personal growth, which would help me feel ready for the aftermath of raising small children. A time to grow skills and confidence in areas I haven't been able to fully explore until now. A time to help me feel prepared and in control of what happens after.

This is a chance. With full-time work, Chris would be hard-pressed to find the time to explore other skills and interest. He simply wouldn't have the time or inclination to add more to his already full schedule. He's lucky if he managed to go kayaking a couple of times a week.

My plan might be a little ambitious for the next few months as we re-adjust to broken sleep and the demands of a growing baby with a toddler on top of it but I have a few ideas of which skills I want to develop and this gives me focus. It gives me the impression that I am planning ahead and that when the time comes, I won't be standing there with two kids at the school gate and not the slightest clue of what I am supposed to do with myself.

The best possible start.

Eloise's birth and my subsequent recovery went as well, or even better, as anyone could have expected. It went so well, it barely seems real.

Eloise herself has been the perfect baby. She was born knowing what she had to do: feeding, sleeping and eliminating well. This is all one can ask for and as we know with newborns, that is already plenty.

Our days, although predictably busy, have felt calm and settled. She sleeps and feeds intermittently, her needs and schedules moulding themselves around Hugo's. Our nights, although predictably broken, have still afforded me with enough rest to function through the day. That is a lot more than a lot of people dream of.

I've also had plenty of support. Between my mother (+ step-father) and Chris, as well as our friends and more remote family members, I have felt surrounded by love and affection, as well as supported through the day and night with the more practical side of things.

The help, and more importantly the company, have helped me get to today, five weeks in and on my own again, feeling calm enough, confident enough and enthusiastic enough to keep building on as I settle into a routine where as an adult, I am the minority.

As I get through each day, I will remind myself of my mum's advice to do everything slowly and Chris' reassurance that he doesn't expect me to achieve much!

I will also keep the following words in mind,

"The days are long but the years are short."

Miss Eloise at one month.