Sleep: Am I a 'cuddler' or a 'tamer'?

Raising a baby seems to come with a minefield of contradictions one has to navigate everyday and there is no topic of discussion more fraught with disagreement than that of sleep.

We've been lucky because Hugo has slept relatively well right from the start, slowly increasing his night-time shifts and taking some long naps in the afternoons (sometimes). The topic of sleep hadn't really been on my mind that much but as a coincidence, I have come across two oposing ideas in the space of a couple of days.

On one hand, I came across Pinky McKay, a gentle baby-lead approach advocate. She defines the two 'camps' as 'cuddlers' and 'tamers'. Cuddlers follow the baby's lead and respond to its needs promptly, patiently and with lots of cuddles. Tamers create a set of routines and processes which format the baby into sleeping, eating and playing at specific times, thus making the carer's life more manageable. Pinky argues that babies are simply expressing their needs and that society needs to lower their expectations of what a 'good' baby or a 'bad' baby is, and how it should 'behave'. She puts the emphasis back on the baby itself rather than the obsession with creating a 'convenient' baby. This goes along with the concept that a baby who is responded to promptly will feel more secure and become more curious and independent later on.

On the other hand, I went to the first session of a 4 week mothers and babies group program where each week a specialist in a particular field explains the basics of it, gives tips and answers our (many) questions. This week, the topic was 'sleep' and the guest was a midwife/baby whisperer. Her specialty is helping parents settle their babies and create sleep routines. She showed us a number of techniques, taught us the signs of a content, tired and (the dreaded) over-tired baby and the basics of teaching a baby to self-settle.

I walked out feeling a little confused and after the afternoon to think about it, I think I have decided that I would mix and match what makes sense to me. As I said, Hugo has been a good sleeper and I feel quite rested and calm. I don't feel the need to start imposing all sorts of rules which might just stress us both out. However, I did try a couple of the techniques today and they did show some potential. I feel more able to recognize when Hugo needs to be put to bed but the way I do that might be more along Pinky's lines. Hugo is our first baby and without having to look after a toddler at the same time, I am still happy to be a 'cuddler' simply because I can. My approach and desires might change when I want to start working again (soon-ish) but until then, Hugo can take the lead.

As the midwife said, 'you only need to change things if you aren't happy,' and for now, I'm happy.