Monday, August 5, 2013

Dreaming of a bucolic life.

Typically, I would describe myself as a city girl. I have grown up in a city and it is where I have always thought I felt most at ease. In Australia, I have even become a little militant about arguing the benefits of growing up surrounded by concrete as a suitable alternative to grass, although I will admit I remain in a definite minority, even at home...

Lately though... something is changing and I find myself day dreaming about a life in the countryside. I see myself walking in some sort of field with 3 little boys running around me, walking ahead and behind, picking up leaves and pointing at trees. I then see us holding hands as we take our gumboots off and walk back inside. We might draw the leaves we have just picked up off the ground or have a hot chocolate in our light filled kitchen.

I also imagine Chris working away in his shed, with light streaming through a side window and wood shavings flying around him, dancing in the light and getting caught in his hair. I imagine light, space and silence. Just the sounds of nature around us and fields to run across.

I imagine that Chris and I work together, and that creativity - writing, design, photography, making - is at the heart of our life together. I imagine our children working away on some tiny projects alongside us. That they are not scared of using their brains or their hands, that they embrace their mistakes and keep going, towards their own self expression.

I don't exactly know what this means but Chris has just buried two grandparents in as many weeks and if there is one thing death is good for, it's to make us think about our own lives. Chris wrote a eulogy which he read at his grandfather's funeral and it reminded me of an exercise I had heard of to help people gain some perspective on their life. The exercise is in two parts. The first one is to write one's own eulogy based on one's current life. The second part is to write one's own ideal eulogy, based on the life one would actually want to be remembered for.

This vision isn't my eulogy and as lovely as it sounds, I don't think that this will be our life either but at the core is a strong desire to be there for our children, for Chris and me to work as a team in life and work and for creativity to be at the centre of it all. Beyond that, light, space and silence would be wonderful too! 

13 comments:

  1. An inspiring piece beaming with optimism and serenity, both of which will lead you to the achievement of your goals.

    It seems one can take a girl out of a city and in fact take the city out of a girl after all ...

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  2. A very perspicacious question from Lolo, "but how can you take the ocean out of a girl?"

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  3. City kids grow up crossing streets, running errands on foot, using public transport, popping in and out of stores and museums and then if they are lucky, they go to summer camp to swim in lakes and learn to milk cows.

    Country kids get to climb trees without hovering parents worrying they will fall out and they learn to drive. I wonder if there are camps to teach them pedestrian street smarts ...

    I didn't draw autumn leaves with my mother but I did collect them in Central Park and then we'd iron them between 2 sheets of wax paper and hang them on the windows of our 12th floor apartment.

    So I think the key is making the most of wherever one lives, whether city or country, being guided by parents but also going off on one's own and maybe even being fortunate enough to experience a bit of several worlds during one's lifetime.

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  4. Thanks Mothe, your comments are perfect and yes, in my country dreamings, I do miss the ocean. I'll never get tired of it.

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  5. Conspicuously absent from my comments for now though are my thoughts on your fascinating eulogy exercise. I'm not quite ready to face the gap between the 2 versions ...

    What consoles me about perhaps/probably not having them come out identical is that I predict you may very well bridge the gap for me by going on to accomplish what I will not.

    In fact, you've already begun! Still, I mustn't use this as an excuse not to get there myself.

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  6. Do you mean when I was a waitress in a black debardeur for a few days?

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  7. There was that, now that you mention it, and another black débardeur fantasy includes zooming off toward the horizon on the roue arrière of a motorcycle (as the pilot of course) but no, I was thinking more of being a writer ...

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  8. It's never too late. Yesterday I found myself wishing I was ten years younger so that I would have time to do things better but I guess a better way to think about it is to make the next ten years count instead... No time like the present!

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  9. The key phrase to keep in mind is: "No Excuses."

    I very recently came upon it via T-Bone because it is used by YaLa, the organization she works for to promote peace among Israelis and Palestinians.

    But I also think Roger may have nudged me along with it in year past too ...

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  10. Fro’s comment about collecting autumn leaves in central park remind me of a children’s book called “Tar Beach”. For New Yorkers, (back in the day) an apartment rooftop doubled as an auxiliary playground, beach, forest, or whatever the kids playing there could imagine. In the book, a young girl flies above her apartment-building rooftop, illustrating the universal dream of mastering one's world by flying over it. Using your creative mind, (and you are especially creative) you can be happy wherever you are. Anyway, with sites like airbnb and other cheap alternatives to a hotel room, family weekends away are a real option. You don’t have to choose between the city and a life in the countryside!

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  11. And my school did have a playground on the roof! That's where I learned how to tie my shoe laces.

    A beautiful quote from "It Will Come To Me" by Emily Fox Gordon:

    "But what she envied Daphne most was the way she seemed to fully inhabit her own life. Ruth knew what it was to do that for short periods of time. A shift in the light, a change in the angle from which she surveyed her surroundings and suddenly she'd find herself on the inside, for the moment at least. But what would it be like, she asked herself as she watched Daphne shake out an area rug over the porch railing, to live there all the time? Unimaginable, especially for Ruth, who had never been inside for long and had lately taken up more or less permanent residence outside, like a feral cat."

    Is this the key?

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  12. On topic, I came across this chinese proverb today...

    "The best time to plant a tree is twenty years ago. The second best time is now."

    I do love the quote about living inside one's life. With so many distractions around (facebook, emails etc...), I find it difficult to be in the moment sometimes. I think yoga does this for me and often, so does Hugo. Nothing lives more in the moment and in its life as a baby!

    TBone, you are right about the country in the city and in fact, my fantasy began in the city. I just imagined that I would love for my home to feel like an oasis for our children. Somewhere where time goes a little slower somehow and we can actually DO stuff, be in the moment without rushing after this or that, or worrying about what comes next.

    So on this topic, here is another quote that I am borrowing from Fro:

    "Life is short, take your time."

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  13. The tree proverb makes me think of your paternal great grandmother in the most literal possible sense because we all marveled at her "here and now" approach to life as she planted trees while in her 90s. Imagine a woman who had lost husband, 4 sons and a grandson yet who still embraced/inhabited her life enough to plant trees and whose energy, affection, humor and magnetism drew her grand children and daughters-in-law to her until the day she died and beyond, really.

    I think the Daphne quote stresses the importance of very naturally being content with one's own life as the key to radiating a general sense of bien-etre.

    It is indeed important to have a healthy dose of non-screen time (but not so much that you'd deprive us of your blog) and yes, your home will be an oasis for your children and their friends. At a period in time when I felt like a stranger in my own home, I remember the awakening remark a friend made to me, "You have to feel safe in your own home," and that's when I began to make overdue changes.

    We can't know it all from the start, which is why the village of friends and family, both flesh & blood and cyber, is so very helpful.

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