I don't mind routines. We have lots of them throughout the day. I guess that figuring out systems with babies is key to getting through the day so routines naturally develop.
There is one routine though that I really dislike. Hate is a strong word but I am inclined to use it in this case.
Most of the time, Hugo falls asleep while breastfeeding. I then delicately place him in his cot where he usually rolls over and sleeps soundly.
I like that routine but sometimes it doesn't work and so the dreaded routine comes in. This is how it goes:
Hugo feeds for a while and then, for whatever reason, instead of falling asleep, he'll spring back up and start crawling all over me. I try to get him back to business but to no avail. Since it is naptime, I gently put him down in his cot, give him his teddy bear, crank the volume on his sleeping music, give him a kiss and leave the room.
He knows what is about to happen and from the moment I place him in bed, he starts looking panicked until I leave. Then, the real tears begin.
Within seconds, he is standing in the corner of his cot, crying out for me or whoever else will rescue him from the horrible fate of having to nap. If only he was aware of the irony...
At that point, I never know what to do and all the "bad mother" vs "good mother" rhetoric starts spinning around in my head.
Should I go in and pat him even though I know it won't put him to sleep? Should I just go do the dishes and wait until he falls asleep? He's bound to fall asleep eventually, right? Define 'eventually'...
Usually, when the crying gets more intense and he is still firmly standing in the corner, I go in and feed him. By that point, he is so exhausted from crying that he falls asleep within minutes.
I hate it because it feels like a cruel game to let him cry until he is exhausted enough to feed and fall asleep. I wish it didn't have to be so dramatic but I honestly don't know what else to do short of letting him literally cry himself to sleep.
When we come back from our Christmas expedition to France, I think it might be time to devise a plan. Until then, I'll just be glad he doesn't hold grudges.
It's certain that a sleep-deprived adult is baffled by the notion of someone not being thrilled at the prospect of taking a nap and that the very same adult is likely to become very antsy when her/his teenager refuses to wake up before noon or even 2 p.m.
ReplyDeleteI think the image of Hugo looking up at me from his crib as if he was seeing a traitor when I gently placed him in it will remain forever etched in my memory. Of course I took him in my arms immediately -- but when he began crying in my arms, I figured my rocking was pointless. So back to bed he went and after just 10 minutes of howling (down from 20 on a previous occasion), I heard him babbling away, undoubtedly talking to the poor fellow in the mirror and then ... silence and sleep.
Upon awakening, as you have so accurately noted, no grudge !
I think it's time to think about whether or not it is the parents' "job" to accompany a child to dreamworld or not. That is the question!
Once in a while, quite exceptionally it does work out OK but it's rare and more often, he'll be screaming for at least 40 minutes which is when I go and rescue him. I'm not sure how long it would last if I didn't go in but it's usually pretty bad.
ReplyDeleteI obviously would prefer if Hugo didn't 'need' me to fall asleep but I also think that I would prefer it if the transition didn't involve very desperate crying. I'm just not sure what that's teaching him... to fall asleep or to give up?
Anyway, it does feel like he is getting more ready for it and I won't be breastfeeding him forever anyway.
Now, let's see what the jetlag brings...