Sunday, June 26, 2016
Monday, March 28, 2016
Easter 2016
We had a super busy Easter and lots of fun. Mick & Jess came to visit us with toddler Archie and baby Oli. Archie and Hugo got along perfectly, with hardly a bicker to be heard. Eloise tried to keep up, getting smothered along the way, and baby Oli delighted us with his alert gaze and easy smile.
We organised a mini easter egg hunt in our living room. I had made little baskets for the boys which they quickly filled up. We went on several outings to various parks to snack on the grass and kick a ball. We had nice simple meals at home and managed on a few occasions to have all four children asleep at once. It never lasted long but we made a point of enjoying those moments nevertheless. We all went to bed a little past our usual bedtime but it was worth it!
The nicest part of it all was the feeling of finally being able to do things and have fun while doing them. A few months ago, I felt I had lost my enthusiasm for almost any activity or outing, feeling like it was all a huge complicated series of chores and expeditions. But things are turning around, slowly but surely, and we are starting to see what the future might look like.
Kids running around on the grass or playing in the 'fun' room while we chat away in the living room. Kids who need our attention just a little less. Kids getting along beautifully and having fun sleepovers and secret games. We're getting there. We're getting there.
We organised a mini easter egg hunt in our living room. I had made little baskets for the boys which they quickly filled up. We went on several outings to various parks to snack on the grass and kick a ball. We had nice simple meals at home and managed on a few occasions to have all four children asleep at once. It never lasted long but we made a point of enjoying those moments nevertheless. We all went to bed a little past our usual bedtime but it was worth it!
The nicest part of it all was the feeling of finally being able to do things and have fun while doing them. A few months ago, I felt I had lost my enthusiasm for almost any activity or outing, feeling like it was all a huge complicated series of chores and expeditions. But things are turning around, slowly but surely, and we are starting to see what the future might look like.
Kids running around on the grass or playing in the 'fun' room while we chat away in the living room. Kids who need our attention just a little less. Kids getting along beautifully and having fun sleepovers and secret games. We're getting there. We're getting there.
Wednesday, March 23, 2016
On mother guilt.
As a parent, the blame game never ends.
As I write this, I am listening to Eloise screaming in her bed. I am hoping that she falls asleep soon but she could be going for a while. It's really stressful, for both of us I presume, and I am continuously blaming myself for being a terrible mother. I should be soothing her, I should be rocking her, I should be giving up on her nap, I should... I should... I should...
BUT she fell asleep on our way home in the car and once home, stayed asleep for another 20 minutes or so. When she woke up, I was dealing with Hugo who decided to go to the toilets in his pants standing half a metre from the toilet (... I don't even know...). I tried to feed her back to sleep while Hugo played on the other side of the door, strategically banging it every 5 seconds but it didn't work. I took her out of the room, sat her down and she just cried, obviously still tired. Trying to give Hugo his lunch and getting him organised for his nap, I decided that she still needed sleep and would have to figure it out. Back into her cot she went and she has been screaming since.
She has never been a good napper as we know and for almost a year now, I did all the gentle things, especially carrying her on my back or stomach for hours on end. 11 months down the track, she is heavy and my back is a mess. I can't do it anymore. I don't have the energy, I don't have the strength and I am just injuring myself at this point. I also need her to work out the napping thing and I don't know how else to go about it. She is hysterical when we put her in her cot awake and no amount of (back-breaking) soothing does anything anyway.
There are a lot of reasons... but the guilt doesn't care.
The saddest part is that if a friend of mine was telling me this exact story, I would say in a reassuring tone, "don't worry about it, he/she'll be fine, what's the worst that can happen?"
So on a rational level, I get it and yet, I am still giving myself the 'S&*%! mother of the year award' today. Oh well, let there be bad days. I am tired and flat, and my back hurts so I'll wear my badge for today and do better tomorrow. For now, this is the best I can do.
As I write this, I am listening to Eloise screaming in her bed. I am hoping that she falls asleep soon but she could be going for a while. It's really stressful, for both of us I presume, and I am continuously blaming myself for being a terrible mother. I should be soothing her, I should be rocking her, I should be giving up on her nap, I should... I should... I should...
BUT she fell asleep on our way home in the car and once home, stayed asleep for another 20 minutes or so. When she woke up, I was dealing with Hugo who decided to go to the toilets in his pants standing half a metre from the toilet (... I don't even know...). I tried to feed her back to sleep while Hugo played on the other side of the door, strategically banging it every 5 seconds but it didn't work. I took her out of the room, sat her down and she just cried, obviously still tired. Trying to give Hugo his lunch and getting him organised for his nap, I decided that she still needed sleep and would have to figure it out. Back into her cot she went and she has been screaming since.
She has never been a good napper as we know and for almost a year now, I did all the gentle things, especially carrying her on my back or stomach for hours on end. 11 months down the track, she is heavy and my back is a mess. I can't do it anymore. I don't have the energy, I don't have the strength and I am just injuring myself at this point. I also need her to work out the napping thing and I don't know how else to go about it. She is hysterical when we put her in her cot awake and no amount of (back-breaking) soothing does anything anyway.
There are a lot of reasons... but the guilt doesn't care.
The saddest part is that if a friend of mine was telling me this exact story, I would say in a reassuring tone, "don't worry about it, he/she'll be fine, what's the worst that can happen?"
So on a rational level, I get it and yet, I am still giving myself the 'S&*%! mother of the year award' today. Oh well, let there be bad days. I am tired and flat, and my back hurts so I'll wear my badge for today and do better tomorrow. For now, this is the best I can do.
Sunday, March 20, 2016
March 2016
The main event this month was obviously Hugo's birthday which turned out to be a bit of a protracted affair.
Unfortunately, Hugo was quite sick on the actual day of his birthday which was a bit of a downer. We managed to cheer things up by giving him a few presents with breakfast, decorating his scooter with loads of balloons and eating cupcakes at the park (instead of the playgroup where he would have contaminated everyone).
We made things up on the week-end with a celebration at the beach. We had more cupcakes and loads of friends to share them with. Marc came from Sydney for the occasion and Hugo got loads more presents which he got quite used to.
On Sunday, we also gave him his main present, a little train track we had saved for when he would be feeling better and could enjoy more.
Unfortunately, the week-end is also when both Chris and Eloise fell the sickest, with Chris even taking a few days off. He's still battling bad sinus congestion but everyone else is in the clear now.
Hugo is blossoming at the moment. Leaving his baby fat behing, he is turning into a funny, clever and affectionate little boy. He makes us laugh daily with some of his toddler logic and his affection for his little sister. With her, he is caring and bossy in equal measure. He likes to sit next to her to play but as soon as she touches something, we just hear him yelling, "Get away Eloiiise, get away Eloiiise!" but he insists on giving her a kiss and a hug every night before bedtime.
Eloise is nearly walking. She takes a few steps here and there but nothing consistent yet. We'll see on which side of her birthday she reaches this milestone. She is also becoming pretty funny with all her facial expressions and first sounds. But she's not all milk and honey with quite a little temper to make sure we remember she's there.
I'm looking forward to the next few months to watch how their relationship continues to develop as Eloise gains more physical independence from me.
Unfortunately, Hugo was quite sick on the actual day of his birthday which was a bit of a downer. We managed to cheer things up by giving him a few presents with breakfast, decorating his scooter with loads of balloons and eating cupcakes at the park (instead of the playgroup where he would have contaminated everyone).
We made things up on the week-end with a celebration at the beach. We had more cupcakes and loads of friends to share them with. Marc came from Sydney for the occasion and Hugo got loads more presents which he got quite used to.
On Sunday, we also gave him his main present, a little train track we had saved for when he would be feeling better and could enjoy more.
Unfortunately, the week-end is also when both Chris and Eloise fell the sickest, with Chris even taking a few days off. He's still battling bad sinus congestion but everyone else is in the clear now.
Hugo is blossoming at the moment. Leaving his baby fat behing, he is turning into a funny, clever and affectionate little boy. He makes us laugh daily with some of his toddler logic and his affection for his little sister. With her, he is caring and bossy in equal measure. He likes to sit next to her to play but as soon as she touches something, we just hear him yelling, "Get away Eloiiise, get away Eloiiise!" but he insists on giving her a kiss and a hug every night before bedtime.
Eloise is nearly walking. She takes a few steps here and there but nothing consistent yet. We'll see on which side of her birthday she reaches this milestone. She is also becoming pretty funny with all her facial expressions and first sounds. But she's not all milk and honey with quite a little temper to make sure we remember she's there.
I'm looking forward to the next few months to watch how their relationship continues to develop as Eloise gains more physical independence from me.
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