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| 12 months! |
Hugo is such a crucial part of our life that I struggle to remember that on that fall morning a year ago, we were just meeting him for the very first time.
I feel like I need to say something special. That with the One year milestone upon us, I should be able to somehow distill everything that has happened over the last 12 months into a neat couple of sentences, full of wisdom and wit.
I can't but there was one sentence that stayed with me throughout. It is simple, helpful and true. "The days are long but the years are short."
Oh yes, we have had long days and exhausting nights. There were plenty of times when I wanted to lock the door and drown the sound of crying by squishing a pillow over my ears.
I got angry and upset at the unfairness of being the only person who could solve the gazillions of small problems coming my way every single day.
I got jealous of young couples walking along the streets who could decide to do anything, anytime, anywhere.
I got desperate to get out of the house. On saturday mornings, I took myself to yoga. The exercise was great but what I was really craving was time alone. I would almost run out the door and once in the car, I would turn up the radio and soak in the first few minutes of freedom I had had all week.
I would stretch and breathe. My body and my mind, slowly unwinding to become calm, long and supple. I could feel myself relaxing and in the same moment, I would start to miss Hugo.
I would imagine Chris choosing his outfit for the day, or I would picture them playing on the floor. I would see him smiling back at me as I opened the door. I couldn't wait to get home.
All I needed were a few moments to myself for all these little bits of anger, frustration, boredom, exhaustion, to make room for the joy, delight, awe, wonder and surprise that have been a constant part of our life.
All those pieces of emotions, mixed and matched, all blurred into days, weeks, months and eventually, one whole year.
And the year did feel short, and fun and beautiful.
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| Hugo's first birthday present from us. |
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| Hugo, five minutes after his birthday party ended. |
I guess everything is a question of balance and perspective. You probably accomplish more in one hour now than I do in an entire day. And look at how your family has changed in one year.
ReplyDeleteI remember what it was like to crave one hour of free time, to wonder why I couldn't go to the bathroom without hearing voices on the other side of the door with questions that couldn't wait 3 minutes, to try to elevate the level of dinner time conversation. It's hard without a help network. But either way, suddenly everyone is off!
You do the right things at the appropriate times and the benefits are reaped by all involved, present and future.
What remain are the memories and ahead are the joyful opportunities to create more. Solid roots grow solid branches.
There is also the balance between improvising one day at a time and trying to set long-lasting foundations in the process. I try to figure out what kind of parent I am but I suppose that I define that with every action and word. Sometimes, these are decided by putting Hugo's needs first and once in a while, my own. I think that's OK.
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely. I don't know the English language term for what I want to say but "les vases communicants" is what you are describing and is the best approach. So what's good for one is good for the other!
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