On Sunday morning, we escaped the rainy weather by going to the Newcastle museum to enjoy a coffee and the indoor toddler play area.
The play area is set up with lots of foam toys, a plastic slide and climbing gym and a couple tower type structures which house a little trampoline. As I was sitting on the sidelines while Chris looked after Hugo, another father became so enthusiastic with the play equipment that he decided to swing himself onto the little trampoline before hoisting his son up with him. They both then stayed in there for quite a while. In fact, they were both still in there when we left.
My first reaction was to be slightly annoyed by the whole thing. I wasn't sure it was really very safe for a grown man to sit on a net clearly designed for the use of children. I also found that by taking up all the space available, he was making it impossible for any other child to use it.
I think that mainly though I was annoyed by what it says about a parent's role today. Are we really supposed to play like our children or is supervising with a little enthusiasm enough?
In principle, I don't have an issue with people releasing their inner child onto the rest of us. I'm sure this man's son enjoys it immensely but I do wonder what the effect of the 'parent as entertainer' is on the child's independence and imagination.
We seem to live in a society that is terrified of boredom. Children especially should never be bored and as a result, an endless selection of activities, all structured and supervised, is on hands to avoid boredom at all cost. Sadly, this also means that children are rarely left to play alone and unsupervised and as a direct result, they rarely experience the excitement of inventing their own game, making their own discoveries or inhabiting a world that they can truly make their own.
Why? Because their parents are always in the way. We are constantly told as adults that our children's stimulation is paramount so we start waving rattles and flash cards in their tiny faces the moment they are out. It never really stops after that and with a fear of setting the child back, in relation to his peers, parents have turned all of their attention on the entertainment and education of their children, day after day.
And I think this is partly why we find grown men in kids' trampolines. Because we are told so much that we have to engage with our children, ALL THE TIME, that we don't even know when to take a step back and simply watch them figure out how to get in there in their own time and under their own steam.
I have figured out a simple rule for how to manage the fine line between encouraging independence without being completely oblivious to Hugo's needs. I try not to help him too much with play equipment he wouldn't know how to use by himself. I figure that if he can't climb this or swing off that without my help every step of the way, then, he probably shouldn't be using it because it was likely designed for an older age group.
If he is trying very hard and almost managing to tackle something new, I'm happy to give that last little push and get him up there. I know that next time, he'll manage on his own but I didn't deprive him of the importance of trying by himself first. Even with a little help, that last accomplishment is his and I want him to enjoy the satisfaction. I also know that next time he won't need or want my help.
As long as I'm looking back when he turns around with a beaming smile, he'll know I'm there without having to be right there. If he can get in there, he can have the trampoline!
The play area is set up with lots of foam toys, a plastic slide and climbing gym and a couple tower type structures which house a little trampoline. As I was sitting on the sidelines while Chris looked after Hugo, another father became so enthusiastic with the play equipment that he decided to swing himself onto the little trampoline before hoisting his son up with him. They both then stayed in there for quite a while. In fact, they were both still in there when we left.
My first reaction was to be slightly annoyed by the whole thing. I wasn't sure it was really very safe for a grown man to sit on a net clearly designed for the use of children. I also found that by taking up all the space available, he was making it impossible for any other child to use it.
I think that mainly though I was annoyed by what it says about a parent's role today. Are we really supposed to play like our children or is supervising with a little enthusiasm enough?
In principle, I don't have an issue with people releasing their inner child onto the rest of us. I'm sure this man's son enjoys it immensely but I do wonder what the effect of the 'parent as entertainer' is on the child's independence and imagination.
We seem to live in a society that is terrified of boredom. Children especially should never be bored and as a result, an endless selection of activities, all structured and supervised, is on hands to avoid boredom at all cost. Sadly, this also means that children are rarely left to play alone and unsupervised and as a direct result, they rarely experience the excitement of inventing their own game, making their own discoveries or inhabiting a world that they can truly make their own.
Why? Because their parents are always in the way. We are constantly told as adults that our children's stimulation is paramount so we start waving rattles and flash cards in their tiny faces the moment they are out. It never really stops after that and with a fear of setting the child back, in relation to his peers, parents have turned all of their attention on the entertainment and education of their children, day after day.
And I think this is partly why we find grown men in kids' trampolines. Because we are told so much that we have to engage with our children, ALL THE TIME, that we don't even know when to take a step back and simply watch them figure out how to get in there in their own time and under their own steam.
I have figured out a simple rule for how to manage the fine line between encouraging independence without being completely oblivious to Hugo's needs. I try not to help him too much with play equipment he wouldn't know how to use by himself. I figure that if he can't climb this or swing off that without my help every step of the way, then, he probably shouldn't be using it because it was likely designed for an older age group.
If he is trying very hard and almost managing to tackle something new, I'm happy to give that last little push and get him up there. I know that next time, he'll manage on his own but I didn't deprive him of the importance of trying by himself first. Even with a little help, that last accomplishment is his and I want him to enjoy the satisfaction. I also know that next time he won't need or want my help.
As long as I'm looking back when he turns around with a beaming smile, he'll know I'm there without having to be right there. If he can get in there, he can have the trampoline!
Do you remember that just recently after an outing of mine to the park with Hugo, I told you I suddenly realized that rather than constantly and exhaustingly suggesting to him that he/we try this or that, I could also step back and leave him to happily wander on his own?
ReplyDeleteWhen I did, I noticed he'd spend quite a bit of time observing and focusing on other children's activities and was not only content to do so but very interested by what he saw. In fact, it wasn't even he who expected me to entertain him to begin with.
So your piece applies just as much to grandparents as to parents with the Bar Beach GPs who were oblivious to their toddler on the steep slope and perilous stairs at the opposite extreme.
In the same vein as helicopter playing, there is the question of parents who see danger everywhere and whose children won't experience falls and scratches as natural steps in improving their agility.
Finally, if today's job hunting coaches for college graduates list not taking one's parents along to an interview, it means there are people who do so. Trampoline Dad won't be empty nesting anytime soon ...