As a young adult, I remember feeling easily bored and would find myself struggling to think of something to do that I would find exciting. I can see now that this was probably more a reflection on my own lack of resourcefulness than an absence of stimulation around me.
I feel that I have started to outgrow this. I don't feel like I need new things and experiences all the time. I can enjoy very simple things like silence, a cup of tea or a moment alone. I don't need anything extravagant to be happy.
Some people never outgrow the need to be constantly seeking that next thrill, always searching for the next best thing.
I think that we tend to transfer this idea that only new things are exciting to our children as well, from constantly buying new toys to seeking out new (and often expensive) experiences. Disneyland comes to mind.
I have fallen into this trap more than once. The latest was his second birthday party which I almost regretted organising the minute it started. It all went fine with all of his 'friends' and mine showing up, about 15 children and their parents in total, but Hugo didn't really enjoy it.
He seemed confused and overwhelmed by the crowd. All his usual playmates were here but in the confusion, he probably couldn't enjoy any one's company in particular.
I organised the party with the intention of surprising him and thinking that he would have a blast. In the end, I realised that he was probably too young to understand the intention and rather than engaging, he withdrew.
In contrast, Hugo becomes overjoyed with some of the most mundane parts of the day.
Bath time has him jumping up and running to the bathroom where he has an elaborate ritual of undressing and choosing his favourite toys. Brushing his teeth, taking the bins out, putting toys away, kissing everyone good night, saying goodbye to people and things, and other totally banal (to us) events are completely thrilling to him.
What I have come to understand is that Hugo is thrilled when he knows what's coming next. He loves familiar routines because they give him a sense of control he seldom gets. And since he knows what to do, he enjoys the positive reinforcement he receives when he does something right.
Although we repeat many of the same activities throughout the week, he doesn't necessarily know from one moment to the next where we are going or what we are doing. He just gets told to have his nappy changed, go to bed, eat his dinner, get on his scooter and go to the park, play with Jack or Elinor and so on.
He rarely makes any decisions on how to spend his time so it is understandable that when he does recognise what we are doing, it allows him to anticipate what is happening next. That feeling of control must be a nice change from always being surprised.
After all, it took me several months to let go of the control I thought I had on my life and let Hugo's needs and demands as a baby dictate the flow of the day. It wasn't easy and so as I had to unlearn this, he is just getting a taste of it.
We are creatures of habit. It is what we seek and what we thrive on in the long run. Not the unexpected.
I feel that I have started to outgrow this. I don't feel like I need new things and experiences all the time. I can enjoy very simple things like silence, a cup of tea or a moment alone. I don't need anything extravagant to be happy.
Some people never outgrow the need to be constantly seeking that next thrill, always searching for the next best thing.
I think that we tend to transfer this idea that only new things are exciting to our children as well, from constantly buying new toys to seeking out new (and often expensive) experiences. Disneyland comes to mind.
I have fallen into this trap more than once. The latest was his second birthday party which I almost regretted organising the minute it started. It all went fine with all of his 'friends' and mine showing up, about 15 children and their parents in total, but Hugo didn't really enjoy it.
He seemed confused and overwhelmed by the crowd. All his usual playmates were here but in the confusion, he probably couldn't enjoy any one's company in particular.
I organised the party with the intention of surprising him and thinking that he would have a blast. In the end, I realised that he was probably too young to understand the intention and rather than engaging, he withdrew.
In contrast, Hugo becomes overjoyed with some of the most mundane parts of the day.
Bath time has him jumping up and running to the bathroom where he has an elaborate ritual of undressing and choosing his favourite toys. Brushing his teeth, taking the bins out, putting toys away, kissing everyone good night, saying goodbye to people and things, and other totally banal (to us) events are completely thrilling to him.
What I have come to understand is that Hugo is thrilled when he knows what's coming next. He loves familiar routines because they give him a sense of control he seldom gets. And since he knows what to do, he enjoys the positive reinforcement he receives when he does something right.
Although we repeat many of the same activities throughout the week, he doesn't necessarily know from one moment to the next where we are going or what we are doing. He just gets told to have his nappy changed, go to bed, eat his dinner, get on his scooter and go to the park, play with Jack or Elinor and so on.
He rarely makes any decisions on how to spend his time so it is understandable that when he does recognise what we are doing, it allows him to anticipate what is happening next. That feeling of control must be a nice change from always being surprised.
After all, it took me several months to let go of the control I thought I had on my life and let Hugo's needs and demands as a baby dictate the flow of the day. It wasn't easy and so as I had to unlearn this, he is just getting a taste of it.
We are creatures of habit. It is what we seek and what we thrive on in the long run. Not the unexpected.
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| Reading books before bed. |
You have taken a very interesting approach to a subject that could easily be overlooked and I love the title of this piece. Your observations are both perspicacious and vivid for thanks to them, I find myself back in Newy with Hugo.
ReplyDeleteOne of the routines he particularly enjoyed was waving good-bye to Dada from several different windows and as for "Reading books before bed," how many dozens of times has Dada read the Dr. Seuss we see in the above photo? And yes, some bath toys were like good friends Hugo was happy to greet every evening.
I think this is also a question of focus and a child or an adult's ability to devote undivided attention to a single occupation rather than desperately multitasking to fill voids left, right and center.
Bravo to you for noting these details and adapting your daily life accordingly.