I have been using this blog lately to do a couple of things. One is to keep my fingers moving and maintain some sort of 'writing flow' if there is such a thing. My aim is to write most days but not to write perfect entries so I don't do much editing or thinking ahead. I just sit down, type and hit "publish".
I also use it to dissect some of the thoughts that go around in my head. Writing a blogpost is a little like walking around in a dark room and shining a light into a corner. The things I write about are usually things I have been thinking about for a few days and I just want to get out my system.
As a result, the blog entries can give the impression that I am in a bit down at times. It's not the case. I feel absolutely fine. I do feel a bit low occasionally but I never stay there because overall, the good things far outweigh that bad things.
Hugo truly is an angel. Apart from looking like one, with his long eyelashes, his big dark eyes, his perfect little nose and beaming smile, his locks of soft red hair and velvet soft skin... He really is the most adorable little boy I have ever seen. He is kind and gentle. He is affectionate and likes a good laugh. He is adventurous and observant. He makes us laugh so much and makes our hearts burst with pride.
Today, to walk from the museum back to the carpark, he didn't want to hold my hand but he was so excited to hold his friend's hand. Hugo and Beau walked hand in hand, giggling in turns and beaming from ear to ear, to our cars. It was magical.
When I see other children throwing themselves on the floor, screaming, crying, refusing to share toys and hitting, I wonder why Hugo doesn't do any of that. It's amazing. All week-end, he encouraged Archie who is 10 months younger than him to play with all his toys, to hop on his bike, to read books together. He is so easy and good-natured.
And when he does need a little time out, all we have to do at the moment is sit him on his bed with a few books where he quietly sits and reads until he is calm again. Today, a friend asked me about 'time out' so I said that's what we do and then she asked, "but what if you're not at home?" and I realised that we had never been in that situation. It is such a joy not to have to worry about how things will go because they always go fine. The supermarket, the hairdresser, even the dentist. He has never made a scene anywhere. I am spoilt.
And with Eloise, I can't even completely get my head around how happy I am to have her. Having her against me all day is as much necessity as it is pleasure. I love stroking her soft little head and feeling her breath against my chest. I love having her next to me at night and occasionally waking up while she is still sleeping. I can watch her, and listen to her snoring softly next to me. It's heaven.
When she is awake, she smiles and smiles and smiles. She thinks we are the best thing that has ever happened. Not just to her but generally, to the whole world. She thinks we are awesome. She smiles and throws her little body back to laugh. Sometimes she squeals with delight and in those moments, I lose myself completely. In those moments, I am in heaven.
And the best thing of all is watching Hugo and Eloise together. When all people ever talk about is jealousy and conflict between children, watching Hugo stroke her when she cries, or trying to tickle her, or running towards us to give her a kiss before going to bed, I could just melt. And the way she watches him and looks at him with a smile, thinking that he is all things amazing wrapped into one bouncy package, is incomparable to anything I have ever experienced.
When I observe all of this and feel the joy and wholeness that children bring, I wonder how we managed to make such perfect little beings. And occasionally, I give myself (and Chris) a little pat on the back because somewhere in the chaos, we must be doing something right.
I also use it to dissect some of the thoughts that go around in my head. Writing a blogpost is a little like walking around in a dark room and shining a light into a corner. The things I write about are usually things I have been thinking about for a few days and I just want to get out my system.
As a result, the blog entries can give the impression that I am in a bit down at times. It's not the case. I feel absolutely fine. I do feel a bit low occasionally but I never stay there because overall, the good things far outweigh that bad things.
Hugo truly is an angel. Apart from looking like one, with his long eyelashes, his big dark eyes, his perfect little nose and beaming smile, his locks of soft red hair and velvet soft skin... He really is the most adorable little boy I have ever seen. He is kind and gentle. He is affectionate and likes a good laugh. He is adventurous and observant. He makes us laugh so much and makes our hearts burst with pride.
Today, to walk from the museum back to the carpark, he didn't want to hold my hand but he was so excited to hold his friend's hand. Hugo and Beau walked hand in hand, giggling in turns and beaming from ear to ear, to our cars. It was magical.
When I see other children throwing themselves on the floor, screaming, crying, refusing to share toys and hitting, I wonder why Hugo doesn't do any of that. It's amazing. All week-end, he encouraged Archie who is 10 months younger than him to play with all his toys, to hop on his bike, to read books together. He is so easy and good-natured.
And when he does need a little time out, all we have to do at the moment is sit him on his bed with a few books where he quietly sits and reads until he is calm again. Today, a friend asked me about 'time out' so I said that's what we do and then she asked, "but what if you're not at home?" and I realised that we had never been in that situation. It is such a joy not to have to worry about how things will go because they always go fine. The supermarket, the hairdresser, even the dentist. He has never made a scene anywhere. I am spoilt.
And with Eloise, I can't even completely get my head around how happy I am to have her. Having her against me all day is as much necessity as it is pleasure. I love stroking her soft little head and feeling her breath against my chest. I love having her next to me at night and occasionally waking up while she is still sleeping. I can watch her, and listen to her snoring softly next to me. It's heaven.
When she is awake, she smiles and smiles and smiles. She thinks we are the best thing that has ever happened. Not just to her but generally, to the whole world. She thinks we are awesome. She smiles and throws her little body back to laugh. Sometimes she squeals with delight and in those moments, I lose myself completely. In those moments, I am in heaven.
And the best thing of all is watching Hugo and Eloise together. When all people ever talk about is jealousy and conflict between children, watching Hugo stroke her when she cries, or trying to tickle her, or running towards us to give her a kiss before going to bed, I could just melt. And the way she watches him and looks at him with a smile, thinking that he is all things amazing wrapped into one bouncy package, is incomparable to anything I have ever experienced.
When I observe all of this and feel the joy and wholeness that children bring, I wonder how we managed to make such perfect little beings. And occasionally, I give myself (and Chris) a little pat on the back because somewhere in the chaos, we must be doing something right.
No comments:
Post a Comment