I get asked this question a lot and for now, my answer is always the same, "easier than I thought it would be."
Reading what other parents write about what it's like is generally enough to put you off the whole thing altogether. It's all so negative and conjures up images of all your worst nightmares rolled up into one: vomit, poo, cries, sleepless nights, mess, chaos, tantrums... and I won't even get started on how the process of giving birth is described. Anyway, it's a wonder anyone does it at all.
When I was pregnant, people kept telling me I was going to have my hands full, as if the generations before me didn't manage with the 14 kids they had. 'Busy' is the word these days, glorified and vilified in equal proportion. We're all complaining about how busy we are but repulsed at the idea of not doing much.
Of course, all the bad things are true. There is what seems like an endless amount of annoying little things to deal with every day and with two children, there is proportionally more of everything but, going from 0 children to 1 was definitely way more difficult than going from 1 to 2.
When having Hugo, I had to let go of so much. My free time, my independence, my control and replace it with his schedule, his needs, his demands. And I had to learn how to fill in the time so I wouldn't lose my mind with boredom completely.
All of that is in place now, our weeks go along more or less the same one after the other. We have places to be, things to do, people to meet and the only thing that has changed, is that Eloise comes along too. That's it.
Errands have become more difficult to run and the logistics are slightly more complicated but all the adjustments to our lifestyle were made a long time ago.
I am also doing things differently, mostly our of convenience. During the day, Eloise just sleeps in the baby carrier. It gets physically tiring but isn't nearly as stressful as trying to resettle her to sleep as I did with Hugo. I remember feeling that I spent hours getting him to sleep and keeping him asleep. With Eloise, I hardly even think about it. If she looks tired, I strap her on, bounce a little and get on with what I was doing. This arrangement might not suit me forever so we'll change it then. In the meantime, life is peaceful.
At night, Eloise sleeps next to me which also just makes life so much easier. She's 15 weeks old and I haven't felt sleep deprived yet because apart from feeding her when she stirs, I hardly ever have to physically get up. I get enough sleep to feel fine, provided I go to bed fairly early. Being able to function and enjoy my days with both of them is all I can ask for at this stage. When this arrangement doesn't work for us anymore, we'll change it. But until then, we'll keep doing what we're doing because it's working.
There are moments when everything falls apart. Both children are crying and I can't sort them out fast enough. Thankfully, it doesn't happen too often. The rest of the time, Eloise sits in her bouncer while I dress Hugo or Hugo jumps off the couch while I feed Eloise. It's not especially relaxing or easy but we get through the days, one by one and have fun doing it.
I think that I have also adjusted my expectations this time. I accept that Hugo will get less attention and that Eloise won't ever get as much as Hugo did. More than that would be impossible to achieve on my own but they aren't suffering anyway because what was taken away with Eloise's birth will be replenished and overflowing with what they will both gain from having each other.
A couple years back, a friend of mine was expecting her second son and when I asked her how it was with two, she simply said, "double trouble, double fun." I only wish we would all focus a little more on the fun part.
Reading what other parents write about what it's like is generally enough to put you off the whole thing altogether. It's all so negative and conjures up images of all your worst nightmares rolled up into one: vomit, poo, cries, sleepless nights, mess, chaos, tantrums... and I won't even get started on how the process of giving birth is described. Anyway, it's a wonder anyone does it at all.
When I was pregnant, people kept telling me I was going to have my hands full, as if the generations before me didn't manage with the 14 kids they had. 'Busy' is the word these days, glorified and vilified in equal proportion. We're all complaining about how busy we are but repulsed at the idea of not doing much.
Of course, all the bad things are true. There is what seems like an endless amount of annoying little things to deal with every day and with two children, there is proportionally more of everything but, going from 0 children to 1 was definitely way more difficult than going from 1 to 2.
When having Hugo, I had to let go of so much. My free time, my independence, my control and replace it with his schedule, his needs, his demands. And I had to learn how to fill in the time so I wouldn't lose my mind with boredom completely.
All of that is in place now, our weeks go along more or less the same one after the other. We have places to be, things to do, people to meet and the only thing that has changed, is that Eloise comes along too. That's it.
Errands have become more difficult to run and the logistics are slightly more complicated but all the adjustments to our lifestyle were made a long time ago.
I am also doing things differently, mostly our of convenience. During the day, Eloise just sleeps in the baby carrier. It gets physically tiring but isn't nearly as stressful as trying to resettle her to sleep as I did with Hugo. I remember feeling that I spent hours getting him to sleep and keeping him asleep. With Eloise, I hardly even think about it. If she looks tired, I strap her on, bounce a little and get on with what I was doing. This arrangement might not suit me forever so we'll change it then. In the meantime, life is peaceful.
At night, Eloise sleeps next to me which also just makes life so much easier. She's 15 weeks old and I haven't felt sleep deprived yet because apart from feeding her when she stirs, I hardly ever have to physically get up. I get enough sleep to feel fine, provided I go to bed fairly early. Being able to function and enjoy my days with both of them is all I can ask for at this stage. When this arrangement doesn't work for us anymore, we'll change it. But until then, we'll keep doing what we're doing because it's working.
There are moments when everything falls apart. Both children are crying and I can't sort them out fast enough. Thankfully, it doesn't happen too often. The rest of the time, Eloise sits in her bouncer while I dress Hugo or Hugo jumps off the couch while I feed Eloise. It's not especially relaxing or easy but we get through the days, one by one and have fun doing it.
I think that I have also adjusted my expectations this time. I accept that Hugo will get less attention and that Eloise won't ever get as much as Hugo did. More than that would be impossible to achieve on my own but they aren't suffering anyway because what was taken away with Eloise's birth will be replenished and overflowing with what they will both gain from having each other.
A couple years back, a friend of mine was expecting her second son and when I asked her how it was with two, she simply said, "double trouble, double fun." I only wish we would all focus a little more on the fun part.
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| Watch out for that foot Eloise! |
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