Monday, August 31, 2015
Springtime!
Today marks the first day of spring and what a delightful thought that is!
When Eloise was born, I knew that the challenge ahead of us was getting through the winter, actually and metaphorically, and that on the other end, things would start to get easier.
Our house doesn't feel like a fridge anymore which makes nighttime a million times nicer, the days are warming up and lasting longer and Eloise is coming out of the intense newborn stage. She even surprised us by sleeping all night last night!
Spring is a little underrated here. Sun addicted Australians are obsessed with summer but Spring is so much nicer. Sadly, it's much shorter too.
For a short few weeks, the temperature is just perfect, warm in the sun and cool in the shade, the sun doesn't fry you like an egg the second you step outside and the houses don't feel like unventilated ovens yet. The sunscreen, hats, sunglasses and truckloads of water can be left at home without ending a dehydrated burnt mess.
Marking the start of the nicest Australian season even more special was the fact that I was able to have the most peaceful and fun morning I've had in a long time. While my dad took Hugo to the park, I snuck off with Eloise to go visit my lovely friend Bec in her new workshop.
But because it was so amazing to have a little toddler time off, I didn't go there directly and treated myself to a coffee at one of my absolutely favourite places on the way, sweetening the deal with a piece of cake to takeaway.
And then, once I got to Bec's, being able to carry on a civilised conversation while sipping a cup of tea. It was so relaxing and refreshing.
It is also a bit of a guilty pleasure of mine to inspect people's workspaces, looking at (and sometimes touching) the tools and supplies, the unfinished objects, the trials and errors, the bits of paper stuck here and there providing inspiration, the lists and papers piled up in a corner... I find it at once magical and beautiful in its raw state, far from the polished edited version one sees on social media and at markets. I can see Aloud. taking on a new form already and heading behind the scenes...
Being able to relax into a conversation also means having a chance to open up a little. I was telling Bec about feeling a little worn out at the moment, and being a single mum herself, she knew the feeling. Being able to laugh about it is the best pick me up but also knowing that we're all in it together, having good days and bad days, and keeping an eye and a hand out for each other.
As I was leaving, Bec gave me one of her beautiful spoons as a surprise gift. It says, "The grass is always greener where you water it." I love it and how perfect on the first day of spring.
Winter is over, the grass is looking greener already.
When Eloise was born, I knew that the challenge ahead of us was getting through the winter, actually and metaphorically, and that on the other end, things would start to get easier.
Our house doesn't feel like a fridge anymore which makes nighttime a million times nicer, the days are warming up and lasting longer and Eloise is coming out of the intense newborn stage. She even surprised us by sleeping all night last night!
Spring is a little underrated here. Sun addicted Australians are obsessed with summer but Spring is so much nicer. Sadly, it's much shorter too.
For a short few weeks, the temperature is just perfect, warm in the sun and cool in the shade, the sun doesn't fry you like an egg the second you step outside and the houses don't feel like unventilated ovens yet. The sunscreen, hats, sunglasses and truckloads of water can be left at home without ending a dehydrated burnt mess.
Marking the start of the nicest Australian season even more special was the fact that I was able to have the most peaceful and fun morning I've had in a long time. While my dad took Hugo to the park, I snuck off with Eloise to go visit my lovely friend Bec in her new workshop.
But because it was so amazing to have a little toddler time off, I didn't go there directly and treated myself to a coffee at one of my absolutely favourite places on the way, sweetening the deal with a piece of cake to takeaway.
And then, once I got to Bec's, being able to carry on a civilised conversation while sipping a cup of tea. It was so relaxing and refreshing.
It is also a bit of a guilty pleasure of mine to inspect people's workspaces, looking at (and sometimes touching) the tools and supplies, the unfinished objects, the trials and errors, the bits of paper stuck here and there providing inspiration, the lists and papers piled up in a corner... I find it at once magical and beautiful in its raw state, far from the polished edited version one sees on social media and at markets. I can see Aloud. taking on a new form already and heading behind the scenes...
Being able to relax into a conversation also means having a chance to open up a little. I was telling Bec about feeling a little worn out at the moment, and being a single mum herself, she knew the feeling. Being able to laugh about it is the best pick me up but also knowing that we're all in it together, having good days and bad days, and keeping an eye and a hand out for each other.
As I was leaving, Bec gave me one of her beautiful spoons as a surprise gift. It says, "The grass is always greener where you water it." I love it and how perfect on the first day of spring.
Winter is over, the grass is looking greener already.
Sunday, August 30, 2015
You gotta be in it...
I would never describe myself as a competitive person, at least not in the medal winning kind of way but that doesn't mean I don't set a high bar for myself.
Sometimes, this bar is set so high that failure seems inevitable, and sometimes, it simply stops me from even attempting the jump.
Setting a goal and going for it without anticipating the result is something that I am learning, or really teaching myself to do more often.
Last week, the Womankind Creativity Challenge popped up on my facebook screen. The concept is pretty simple: spend 5 days thinking/making/doing creative things, record it in a diary and submit it. A select few will be published in the next issue of this amazing magazine.
As soon as I saw it, my first thought was, "I should do that!" (Notice 'should' rather than 'can'), closely followed by all the reasons I couldn't: not enough time to be more creative than I already am, not enough time to write about, not very good at writing diaries, my entries would be boring, I would never get selected... But if I was to be selected, I would be so happy about it! But but but...
The inevitable disappointment just about stopped me from taking part.
It's such a shame to think that way and irrational too. I don't know what they are looking for. Maybe what they are after is exactly what I have to offer. Maybe they will find it fascinating to read about someone who, in the midst of raising two little children, works damn hard to carve out some creative time. Maybe a little bit of writing here and knitting there is the creativity they are after. Maybe, making time for oneself in the gaps left by children is challenging and remarkable enough to be written about and read by their audience.
I do not know what they want so I can only offer what I have. And being selected would make me so happy, but also, it wouldn't really matter because I really enjoyed doing it.
It actually wasn't much of a stretch from the writing I do anyway. I just had to do it on all five days rather than every few days. And I enjoyed taking the time to think about where creativity fits into my life, how important it has become to me but that it also makes me feel stressed and under pressure at times.
It also made me realise that I don't have to turn every hobby into a business. I can just enjoy my hobbies as they are, little moments stolen from the day to day. Making things gives me huge satisfaction, that seems like a good start.
It also made me think about the difference between being creative and being productive. While I can not always be as productive as I would like, I am constantly thinking up new ideas, and if that isn't being creative, then I don't know what is.
In the end, my diary entries are what they are. A bit raw, a bit personal, not polished or well put together. They are just thoughts put down on 'paper' but they are important because they are my experience.
The chances of being selected are slim but mine aren't any less than anyone else's. You gotta be in it to win it. This is how I would rather be thinking.
Sometimes, this bar is set so high that failure seems inevitable, and sometimes, it simply stops me from even attempting the jump.
Setting a goal and going for it without anticipating the result is something that I am learning, or really teaching myself to do more often.
Last week, the Womankind Creativity Challenge popped up on my facebook screen. The concept is pretty simple: spend 5 days thinking/making/doing creative things, record it in a diary and submit it. A select few will be published in the next issue of this amazing magazine.
As soon as I saw it, my first thought was, "I should do that!" (Notice 'should' rather than 'can'), closely followed by all the reasons I couldn't: not enough time to be more creative than I already am, not enough time to write about, not very good at writing diaries, my entries would be boring, I would never get selected... But if I was to be selected, I would be so happy about it! But but but...
The inevitable disappointment just about stopped me from taking part.
It's such a shame to think that way and irrational too. I don't know what they are looking for. Maybe what they are after is exactly what I have to offer. Maybe they will find it fascinating to read about someone who, in the midst of raising two little children, works damn hard to carve out some creative time. Maybe a little bit of writing here and knitting there is the creativity they are after. Maybe, making time for oneself in the gaps left by children is challenging and remarkable enough to be written about and read by their audience.
I do not know what they want so I can only offer what I have. And being selected would make me so happy, but also, it wouldn't really matter because I really enjoyed doing it.
It actually wasn't much of a stretch from the writing I do anyway. I just had to do it on all five days rather than every few days. And I enjoyed taking the time to think about where creativity fits into my life, how important it has become to me but that it also makes me feel stressed and under pressure at times.
It also made me realise that I don't have to turn every hobby into a business. I can just enjoy my hobbies as they are, little moments stolen from the day to day. Making things gives me huge satisfaction, that seems like a good start.
It also made me think about the difference between being creative and being productive. While I can not always be as productive as I would like, I am constantly thinking up new ideas, and if that isn't being creative, then I don't know what is.
In the end, my diary entries are what they are. A bit raw, a bit personal, not polished or well put together. They are just thoughts put down on 'paper' but they are important because they are my experience.
The chances of being selected are slim but mine aren't any less than anyone else's. You gotta be in it to win it. This is how I would rather be thinking.
Womankind Creativity Challenge - Days 4 & 5
Ah the week-end... should it be a time to rest or be extra productive? That's our eternal dilemma and of course, the result usually sits comfortably in the middle. Mornings are for outings to the beach or to have a coffee. This morning, it was to the Farmers' markets. Hugo's naptime is our busy bee time, although with one of us carrying Eloise most of the time, only one of us can really do useful things. And once Hugo wakes up, anywhere between 3:00 and 5:00, the day quickly descends into nighttime routine activities, usually trying to cram as much last minute things as possible.
This week-end, with this challenge in mind, I bagged the prime productive time for myself and as Hugo was napping and Eloise asleep on Chris, I started a little restoration project that had been waiting.
A little while ago, we bought a second hand wardrobe for the kids' bedroom. Hugo's lovely ikea wardrobe was too small for both of their clothes and buying a second one to match was going to be a big-ish expense we were keen to avoid. So we found one which will do the job without the glamour.
Until I have finished repainting it that is!
It won't be anything too amazing, most of it will be white with a few 'wing commander' blue panels but it will be fun and vibrant for their bedroom. And as with most of these things, the kids won't care that it's not super trendy, so why should we?
I really enjoyed carefully painting each section and in (my) typical fashion, the whole time I was doing it, I was asking myself, "Is this something I could do for a living?" Most likely, the answer is no otherwise, I probably would be at least doing it for fun more often.
This is something I am always doing, picturing myself with all sorts of jobs, usually creative - restoring and/or designing furniture, knitting, making toys, designing, learning photography and so on... Few of these daydreams ever stick long enough to be seriously considered, but as I continue to explore all these ideas, there is one trend that is emerging above all others which is the discipline of writing.
I realise that I think of so many things in terms of what I will write about them. I am spurred on to carry on with my various small tasks because it provides me with ideas and material to write about later. And the more I write, the more I want to write.
As I think about all the things I would like to do, the one thing i do without thinking much about at all is writing. This is where my thoughts pour out, where I find ways to express myself, where I get ideas out of my system. This is where I end up when I don't feel like doing anything else. This is the thing I would do for free and after more than two years spent at home, endlessly pondering my options, it becomes clear that this is what I should be doing for a living.
Everything else is a hobby.
This week-end, with this challenge in mind, I bagged the prime productive time for myself and as Hugo was napping and Eloise asleep on Chris, I started a little restoration project that had been waiting.
A little while ago, we bought a second hand wardrobe for the kids' bedroom. Hugo's lovely ikea wardrobe was too small for both of their clothes and buying a second one to match was going to be a big-ish expense we were keen to avoid. So we found one which will do the job without the glamour.
Until I have finished repainting it that is!
It won't be anything too amazing, most of it will be white with a few 'wing commander' blue panels but it will be fun and vibrant for their bedroom. And as with most of these things, the kids won't care that it's not super trendy, so why should we?
I really enjoyed carefully painting each section and in (my) typical fashion, the whole time I was doing it, I was asking myself, "Is this something I could do for a living?" Most likely, the answer is no otherwise, I probably would be at least doing it for fun more often.
This is something I am always doing, picturing myself with all sorts of jobs, usually creative - restoring and/or designing furniture, knitting, making toys, designing, learning photography and so on... Few of these daydreams ever stick long enough to be seriously considered, but as I continue to explore all these ideas, there is one trend that is emerging above all others which is the discipline of writing.
I realise that I think of so many things in terms of what I will write about them. I am spurred on to carry on with my various small tasks because it provides me with ideas and material to write about later. And the more I write, the more I want to write.
As I think about all the things I would like to do, the one thing i do without thinking much about at all is writing. This is where my thoughts pour out, where I find ways to express myself, where I get ideas out of my system. This is where I end up when I don't feel like doing anything else. This is the thing I would do for free and after more than two years spent at home, endlessly pondering my options, it becomes clear that this is what I should be doing for a living.
Everything else is a hobby.
Thursday, August 27, 2015
Womankind Creativity challenge - Day 3.
12.59 p.m. If it wasn't for this challenge, I wouldn't be writing today. It's Friday and as another long week ends, I feel like looking after Hugo and Eloise this week has taken it's toll on me. So in the words of someone I have now forgotten, 'I will write according to program, not mood'.
I feel exhausted. Not so much physically as we've had enough sleep but emotionally. I feel frayed and worn out. I know it will pass but I feel like I have hit a wall. Four months into it with Eloise, a baby who according to my possibly unreliable memory is more demanding than Hugo was, any notion that she could ever need me less, seems at best abstract and in any case, forever away.
Taking care of Hugo at the moment isn't exactly a walk in the park either. He is getting bigger and heavier but still needs to be carried often, whether it's to be placed on the change table or to get back to the car after an outing. In both of these examples, chances are he is fighting it, making it even harder. Often, Eloise is strapped to me as well... sigh...
He is unreasonable and can not express himself well. His language continues to progress at a slow pace, making it a struggle to understand very basic things, let alone more complex emotions.
Somehow having help around makes me feel even more vulnerable than normal. When I am alone, there is no one to notice how I am feeling and so the luxury of feeling it seems almost futile. When other people are around, I might show it more hoping it will be noticed and I will get more help. Unfortunately, the thing about parenting is that you're often in it alone. Other people can help with superficial things (which don't get me wrong is still a great bonus) but for most of it, you're on your own.
So where does creativity fit into days like these? I'm not so sure that it helps much actually. It just seems to add more pressure and the nagging feeling of not getting anything done. It just adds salt to the wound, giving a glimpse of what you could be doing if... On days like these, that's the last thing I need.
I feel exhausted. Not so much physically as we've had enough sleep but emotionally. I feel frayed and worn out. I know it will pass but I feel like I have hit a wall. Four months into it with Eloise, a baby who according to my possibly unreliable memory is more demanding than Hugo was, any notion that she could ever need me less, seems at best abstract and in any case, forever away.
Taking care of Hugo at the moment isn't exactly a walk in the park either. He is getting bigger and heavier but still needs to be carried often, whether it's to be placed on the change table or to get back to the car after an outing. In both of these examples, chances are he is fighting it, making it even harder. Often, Eloise is strapped to me as well... sigh...
He is unreasonable and can not express himself well. His language continues to progress at a slow pace, making it a struggle to understand very basic things, let alone more complex emotions.
Somehow having help around makes me feel even more vulnerable than normal. When I am alone, there is no one to notice how I am feeling and so the luxury of feeling it seems almost futile. When other people are around, I might show it more hoping it will be noticed and I will get more help. Unfortunately, the thing about parenting is that you're often in it alone. Other people can help with superficial things (which don't get me wrong is still a great bonus) but for most of it, you're on your own.
So where does creativity fit into days like these? I'm not so sure that it helps much actually. It just seems to add more pressure and the nagging feeling of not getting anything done. It just adds salt to the wound, giving a glimpse of what you could be doing if... On days like these, that's the last thing I need.
Wednesday, August 26, 2015
Pillars of the earth.
The sheer scale of our amazing figtrees becomes so apparent when a little Hugo decides to climb them.
Elephant legs or stone cave, they are incredible.
Elephant legs or stone cave, they are incredible.
Womankind Creativity challenge - Day 2.
2.43 p.m. Nope, I won't have even a minute off today. I did manage to take a few nice photos of Hugo eating watermelon and looking like a vampire in True Blood. That's it... We'll see what happens tomorrow.
3.38 p.m. Maybe it's a mistake to write off a whole day in a single moment. An hour ago, it seemed the children's naps would tag team and I wouldn't get any time to sit down in front of my computer. Fast forward an hour later and here I am typing away. Hugo is still asleep and Eloise isn't far off. A little window has opened up.
As I attempt to carve out little pieces of time every day to do things for myself, sometimes successfully and sometimes not so, I am forced to consider the distinction between creativity and productivity. The former is a constant, whilst the latter ebbs and flows.
My brain, like a hamster on a wheel is constantly turning and thinking up new ideas. It's like having this movie running in parallel to my normal life. I think about what I will write, my next knitting projects, the furniture we will build for our house, the weaving I would like to attempt, the new logo design I will try.... it never stops.
Sadly, my brain fires ideas out much faster than I can get to them, even if in many ways, I have produced far more in the last couple of years, children and all, than at any other time in my life.
That's because I am enjoying the journey of each idea, chipping away at an idea until it is finished, whether it looks beautiful and cherished or discarded as a failure. I'm not so hung up on the result anymore, happy to experiment instead. I love the act of being creative and of making. The finished result, quite often, is just another thing to be stored for a while and discarded later. The experience, the experiment, the meditation it provides, the open thinking space that resides in the silence of knitting, are what I am after. That's my me-time.
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| Fiiii Teque!! (finished pasteque in case you didn't catch that) |
As I attempt to carve out little pieces of time every day to do things for myself, sometimes successfully and sometimes not so, I am forced to consider the distinction between creativity and productivity. The former is a constant, whilst the latter ebbs and flows.
My brain, like a hamster on a wheel is constantly turning and thinking up new ideas. It's like having this movie running in parallel to my normal life. I think about what I will write, my next knitting projects, the furniture we will build for our house, the weaving I would like to attempt, the new logo design I will try.... it never stops.
Sadly, my brain fires ideas out much faster than I can get to them, even if in many ways, I have produced far more in the last couple of years, children and all, than at any other time in my life.
That's because I am enjoying the journey of each idea, chipping away at an idea until it is finished, whether it looks beautiful and cherished or discarded as a failure. I'm not so hung up on the result anymore, happy to experiment instead. I love the act of being creative and of making. The finished result, quite often, is just another thing to be stored for a while and discarded later. The experience, the experiment, the meditation it provides, the open thinking space that resides in the silence of knitting, are what I am after. That's my me-time.
Tuesday, August 25, 2015
Womankind Creativity Challenge - Day 1
It's 12.50 p.m. Hugo is almost ready to go lay down for his nap. Eloise is strapped to me and on the verge of falling asleep. We have just come home from her 4 months injections and she is vomiting even more than usual. I barely pay attention to the milk stains all over my top and pants. My father is visiting from France so at least I was able to take Eloise to the doctor's while they went to the park. I feel bad for seeing any visitors only as potential baby-sitters but that's what it is all about at the moment.
1.01 pm. I just put Hugo to bed. I read him a story and tucked him in. Eloise's eye lids are getting heavier and she'll be asleep in a second. My stomach is rumbling but I don't want to eat just yet.
As I contemplate the next few hours of Hugo's nap (thank goodness he naps for so long), I wonder how to tackle this 5 day challenge. How can I make the next 5 days extra creative? And where would that extra focus and attention come from?
The possibility of putting 5 days aside to start and finish a project is about as realistic right now as Hugo tying his own shoelaces so that strategy isn't going to work. Everything these days has to be done in little bursts, short and quick, and fit into the nooks and crannies that life with two small children leaves. There aren't many and they are precious, easily filled with laundry, dishes and the rest of it.
Most days, I use that time to write. That's what I do first (after any paperwork, phone calls, bills to pay and so on) and then move down the 'priorities'... knitting, sewing, making toys... They seem like silly things to call priorities when there is so much more to be done but this is my time to fill as I please. I rarely get past writing anyway and usually manage a few minutes of knitting in the evenings. Once in a while, Hugo will get a new felt carrot or strawberry to add to his play kitchen.
When I don't feel utterly frustrated by the sheer lack of productivity, I can find myself actually being a little amazed by how much one can do by simply chipping away at it, day after day, here and there, in bits and bobs. The knitting projects pile up, the felt pantry fills up and the pages of my blog keep on scrolling down.
So for 5 days, I'll just keep doing what I do but take the time to think and write about it. I'll focus on the projects that are already started with the aim of finishing them. I'll try and be mindful of how I feel, from the anticipation when I can finally sit down in front of a project to the frustration of having to stop and the tiny but oh so precious feeling of having made progress, even if it was one line on a screen or a couple of rows on my knitting needles.
01.38 p.m. Eloise has just woken up. There goes the next hour 1/2 until she needs another snooze.
02.37 p.m. Back to the giant gym ball I use to bounce Eloise to sleep while sitting (and typing) at my desk.
03.41 p.m. Eloise fell asleep easily enough so I've been working away on my website. This is the website I will be using to engage professionally with the world as a copywriter for creative types. It has been clear to me that these are the people I am interested in working with and hopefully working for. I admire creative people who can express themselves clearly with visual tools however, their visual eloquence doesn't always translate into the written form. This is where I hope to step in and offer my services.
04.54 p.m. They are both awake. I have just knitted a few rows while watching the first 10 minutes of Q&A.
09.24 p.m. Hugo is in bed and Eloise is sleeping. I might be able to knit a few rows before Eloise needs to be fed again and I hit the sack. But first, it's time for a square of chocolate.
1.01 pm. I just put Hugo to bed. I read him a story and tucked him in. Eloise's eye lids are getting heavier and she'll be asleep in a second. My stomach is rumbling but I don't want to eat just yet.
As I contemplate the next few hours of Hugo's nap (thank goodness he naps for so long), I wonder how to tackle this 5 day challenge. How can I make the next 5 days extra creative? And where would that extra focus and attention come from?
The possibility of putting 5 days aside to start and finish a project is about as realistic right now as Hugo tying his own shoelaces so that strategy isn't going to work. Everything these days has to be done in little bursts, short and quick, and fit into the nooks and crannies that life with two small children leaves. There aren't many and they are precious, easily filled with laundry, dishes and the rest of it.
Most days, I use that time to write. That's what I do first (after any paperwork, phone calls, bills to pay and so on) and then move down the 'priorities'... knitting, sewing, making toys... They seem like silly things to call priorities when there is so much more to be done but this is my time to fill as I please. I rarely get past writing anyway and usually manage a few minutes of knitting in the evenings. Once in a while, Hugo will get a new felt carrot or strawberry to add to his play kitchen.
When I don't feel utterly frustrated by the sheer lack of productivity, I can find myself actually being a little amazed by how much one can do by simply chipping away at it, day after day, here and there, in bits and bobs. The knitting projects pile up, the felt pantry fills up and the pages of my blog keep on scrolling down.
So for 5 days, I'll just keep doing what I do but take the time to think and write about it. I'll focus on the projects that are already started with the aim of finishing them. I'll try and be mindful of how I feel, from the anticipation when I can finally sit down in front of a project to the frustration of having to stop and the tiny but oh so precious feeling of having made progress, even if it was one line on a screen or a couple of rows on my knitting needles.
01.38 p.m. Eloise has just woken up. There goes the next hour 1/2 until she needs another snooze.
02.37 p.m. Back to the giant gym ball I use to bounce Eloise to sleep while sitting (and typing) at my desk.
03.41 p.m. Eloise fell asleep easily enough so I've been working away on my website. This is the website I will be using to engage professionally with the world as a copywriter for creative types. It has been clear to me that these are the people I am interested in working with and hopefully working for. I admire creative people who can express themselves clearly with visual tools however, their visual eloquence doesn't always translate into the written form. This is where I hope to step in and offer my services.
04.54 p.m. They are both awake. I have just knitted a few rows while watching the first 10 minutes of Q&A.
09.24 p.m. Hugo is in bed and Eloise is sleeping. I might be able to knit a few rows before Eloise needs to be fed again and I hit the sack. But first, it's time for a square of chocolate.
Monday, August 24, 2015
The website.
Over the last couple of weeks, I have spent Hugo's naptime working on a website for myself.
Just to set the scene, I am usually working at my desk, bouncing up and down on a giant gym ball in lieu of a chair with Eloise softly snoring against me. It might be comical if it wasn't sadly the only way for me to get anything done.
I had already done a fair bit of work to get this website organised last year and just picked it up again. A lot has changed already and I think that by the time I actually start promoting it, I'll feel quite proud of it.
The purpose of the site will be to showcase my writing work in the hope of starting new working relationships. I have a lot of promoting work to do to get to that point but I am hoping the website will be a useful tool to get there.
I think that by focusing on it for a couple more weeks, it should be ready to be out in the world, a thought that is both exciting and slightly terrifying.
Chris thinks I am putting too much pressure on myself to start working again so soon. He is partly right but I still want to get the process started. I expect things won't happen overnight and I want to be ready for when I am actually ready, if that makes sense...
Since having children, the need to be productive has been overwhelming for me. I think it is what keeps me sane within the repetitive task-oriented framework of being a full-time parent. I need to be thinking about ideas, to make things, to engage with others. Doing both, looking after Hugo and Eloise AND doing some work on the side is a balance that makes me feel fulfilled, if a little stressed at times.
In the last couple of months, I have been quite productive in terms of hobbies. I have written, knitted, made some toys, done a bit of sewing, little bits of photography and so on. When I want to, I manage to carve out little bits of time to do these things. I expect that a few hours of work here and there would be manageable.
Because, in the end, this is all I am hoping for at this stage. There is no way I could do much more than bits and bobs but I just want to dip a toe in and see what happens, if anything happens. All I want is tiny bits of work that I can expand on as the months go by, and a tiny bit of pocket money wouldn't hurt either.
My paid parental leave is over. It is thanks to the little bits of work I did maintain after Hugo that I was able to have it in the first place. But now without it, the pressure is on and although we both quite easily restrict our spending when things get lean, it's not something I want to have to do, to the current extent, for very much longer.
Regaining a little bit of control over our finances, rather than feeling like we are standing in front of a cliff, is something I feel I can do even at a merely symbolic level for the time being. If it gets too stressful, I can always stop and start again later but I think it will work.
And when I don't think about how I will get things done, I feel very excited to know that I have found my purpose in a professional sense. More on that later when I can share the link to my website.
Just to set the scene, I am usually working at my desk, bouncing up and down on a giant gym ball in lieu of a chair with Eloise softly snoring against me. It might be comical if it wasn't sadly the only way for me to get anything done.
I had already done a fair bit of work to get this website organised last year and just picked it up again. A lot has changed already and I think that by the time I actually start promoting it, I'll feel quite proud of it.
The purpose of the site will be to showcase my writing work in the hope of starting new working relationships. I have a lot of promoting work to do to get to that point but I am hoping the website will be a useful tool to get there.
I think that by focusing on it for a couple more weeks, it should be ready to be out in the world, a thought that is both exciting and slightly terrifying.
Chris thinks I am putting too much pressure on myself to start working again so soon. He is partly right but I still want to get the process started. I expect things won't happen overnight and I want to be ready for when I am actually ready, if that makes sense...
Since having children, the need to be productive has been overwhelming for me. I think it is what keeps me sane within the repetitive task-oriented framework of being a full-time parent. I need to be thinking about ideas, to make things, to engage with others. Doing both, looking after Hugo and Eloise AND doing some work on the side is a balance that makes me feel fulfilled, if a little stressed at times.
In the last couple of months, I have been quite productive in terms of hobbies. I have written, knitted, made some toys, done a bit of sewing, little bits of photography and so on. When I want to, I manage to carve out little bits of time to do these things. I expect that a few hours of work here and there would be manageable.
Because, in the end, this is all I am hoping for at this stage. There is no way I could do much more than bits and bobs but I just want to dip a toe in and see what happens, if anything happens. All I want is tiny bits of work that I can expand on as the months go by, and a tiny bit of pocket money wouldn't hurt either.
My paid parental leave is over. It is thanks to the little bits of work I did maintain after Hugo that I was able to have it in the first place. But now without it, the pressure is on and although we both quite easily restrict our spending when things get lean, it's not something I want to have to do, to the current extent, for very much longer.
Regaining a little bit of control over our finances, rather than feeling like we are standing in front of a cliff, is something I feel I can do even at a merely symbolic level for the time being. If it gets too stressful, I can always stop and start again later but I think it will work.
And when I don't think about how I will get things done, I feel very excited to know that I have found my purpose in a professional sense. More on that later when I can share the link to my website.
Tuesday, August 18, 2015
Hugo at 29 months.
At almost 2 1/2 years old, Hugo continues to amuse us, enchant us and challenge us every day. He is developing on all fronts, from his language skills to his interest in arts and crafts, generally more complex games and his role as a big brother. Starting pre-school next year will accelerate things even more which will be both exciting and hard to keep up with.
A lot of people talk about the infamous 'terrible twos'. I don't think that that's how I would describe things with Hugo but it is definitely challenging at times as he tries to assert himself by doing things he either shouldn't be doing or things he actually isn't capable of doing yet.
This week, we seem to have moved back into a bit of a 'no to everything' phase but we suspect it might have to do with teeth growing and maybe a general growth spurt. In any case, despite the trials, he continues to stand out with his incredibly placid and even nature.
Let's hope it lasts.
Eloise at 4 months.
The months are just flying by and after what has felt like an early and long winter, the first signs of spring are here. The days are mild and sunny, while the nights are finally just warm enough not to have to use the heaters.
Eloise is growing quickly. She feels bigger but slightly finer than Hugo was. Her hands and feet are more slender than Hugo's paws. Her little face starts smiling every time we make eye contact. She is completely besotted with us and Hugo. Quite often, I'll just be busy doing something and when I turn around to look at her, I find her staring intently at me. As soon as our eyes lock, her face breaks into a big smile and often a little squeal.
She is loud, whether she is happy or disgruntled. We caught the train the other day and for the whole trip, she entertained the whole carriage with every possible sound.
Her eyes are still blue and her hair is a light brown so far. She doesn't love being on her back, much preferring to be held sitting up to look around. She still sleeps in the carrier for most naps although sometimes in the pram at the park, and at night, she calmly nurses throughout the night. We are all rested, happy and enjoying the wonderful weather again.
Spring has sprung!
Eloise is growing quickly. She feels bigger but slightly finer than Hugo was. Her hands and feet are more slender than Hugo's paws. Her little face starts smiling every time we make eye contact. She is completely besotted with us and Hugo. Quite often, I'll just be busy doing something and when I turn around to look at her, I find her staring intently at me. As soon as our eyes lock, her face breaks into a big smile and often a little squeal.
She is loud, whether she is happy or disgruntled. We caught the train the other day and for the whole trip, she entertained the whole carriage with every possible sound.
Her eyes are still blue and her hair is a light brown so far. She doesn't love being on her back, much preferring to be held sitting up to look around. She still sleeps in the carrier for most naps although sometimes in the pram at the park, and at night, she calmly nurses throughout the night. We are all rested, happy and enjoying the wonderful weather again.
Spring has sprung!
Sunday, August 16, 2015
On Bec.
I remember a morning about two years ago when my friend Bec was visiting me at home. Hugo was about 4 months old and as he bounced happily in his 'jolly jumper', Bec started telling me, with some shyness, about the business she was starting and hoped to grow.
Her idea was to flatten and stamp silver spoons with lovely messages and little sayings. She would then sell those at markets and online. We then discussed prices and where she might sell them and so on. Although she seemed like she was figuring it all out as we spoke, I realise now that the vision was all there and only the logistical details were still missing.
This came at a time in her life that was throwing one challenge after another at her. We later walked along the beach as she told me about the difficult relations she was having with her soon to be ex-husband, the challenges of finding her feet as a single mum, living in an unfinished house, and of course, doing it all while her family was on the other side of the world, probably worried sick about their beautiful girl.
All these challenges she faced with resilience and optimism but above all, a determination not to get dragged down into the mud. She wouldn't compromise her honesty, her integrity and her openness. After all, her 4 year old son was watching her every move and she would lead by example.
So it's in this context that 'House of Bec' was born. A fresh start, a way to sustain her little family of two, a creative outlet and a door into the flourishing creative community of Newcastle. She knew where she wanted to be so she went there, silver spoon in hand.
As her business grew, I kept watching and, and I kept feeling in awe of this pint sized bubble of energy, honesty and optimism.
The spoons themselves (and the range of jewellery that keeps expanding) are lovely objects. Using silver spoons, they have a nice weight in the hand and feel solid. The messages, with their charming hand-stamped irregularities, sing of all the loveliest and simplest things in life: love, friendship, laughter, growth...
Then, they are lovingly photographed surrounded by fresh flowers, succulents, weathered wood, creating an experience that is so enduring and appealing to all the senses, each spoon holding the memories of its past life, the careful process it went through and the loving hands it will go to.
Now Bec has just started promoting a new project which she has been working on for months and which she told me about breathless with excitement a few weeks ago.
She is launching a monthly night shopping event which will bring together market stalls, music, art, food and more. She called it "The Impossible" to celebrate all the makers and doers who were brave enough to turn their 'impossible' dreams into a reality, starting with herself.
I have no doubt this new project will be fantastic and a beautiful addition to the thriving Newcastle market scene. Bec has made a home for herself amongst the stalls and gazebos, where people dare to dream big even if it means starting small.
When I see Bec now, a little over two years down the track and I think back about those discussions we had, I see what boundless optimism can do. I see the power of saying yes, of taking chances, of pinning your hopes on something others can't quite see yet.
It's impressive to see the road my dear friend has travelled already and I am convinced that her steely resolve not to let the shitty stuff in her life define her at that time has a lot to do with it.
Bec, if you read this, you are an inspiration and I, as always, wish you only the very best of luck with 'The Impossible'. You are doing it and no one can stop you now.
Her idea was to flatten and stamp silver spoons with lovely messages and little sayings. She would then sell those at markets and online. We then discussed prices and where she might sell them and so on. Although she seemed like she was figuring it all out as we spoke, I realise now that the vision was all there and only the logistical details were still missing.
This came at a time in her life that was throwing one challenge after another at her. We later walked along the beach as she told me about the difficult relations she was having with her soon to be ex-husband, the challenges of finding her feet as a single mum, living in an unfinished house, and of course, doing it all while her family was on the other side of the world, probably worried sick about their beautiful girl.
All these challenges she faced with resilience and optimism but above all, a determination not to get dragged down into the mud. She wouldn't compromise her honesty, her integrity and her openness. After all, her 4 year old son was watching her every move and she would lead by example.
So it's in this context that 'House of Bec' was born. A fresh start, a way to sustain her little family of two, a creative outlet and a door into the flourishing creative community of Newcastle. She knew where she wanted to be so she went there, silver spoon in hand.
As her business grew, I kept watching and, and I kept feeling in awe of this pint sized bubble of energy, honesty and optimism.
The spoons themselves (and the range of jewellery that keeps expanding) are lovely objects. Using silver spoons, they have a nice weight in the hand and feel solid. The messages, with their charming hand-stamped irregularities, sing of all the loveliest and simplest things in life: love, friendship, laughter, growth...
Then, they are lovingly photographed surrounded by fresh flowers, succulents, weathered wood, creating an experience that is so enduring and appealing to all the senses, each spoon holding the memories of its past life, the careful process it went through and the loving hands it will go to.
Now Bec has just started promoting a new project which she has been working on for months and which she told me about breathless with excitement a few weeks ago.
She is launching a monthly night shopping event which will bring together market stalls, music, art, food and more. She called it "The Impossible" to celebrate all the makers and doers who were brave enough to turn their 'impossible' dreams into a reality, starting with herself.
I have no doubt this new project will be fantastic and a beautiful addition to the thriving Newcastle market scene. Bec has made a home for herself amongst the stalls and gazebos, where people dare to dream big even if it means starting small.
When I see Bec now, a little over two years down the track and I think back about those discussions we had, I see what boundless optimism can do. I see the power of saying yes, of taking chances, of pinning your hopes on something others can't quite see yet.
It's impressive to see the road my dear friend has travelled already and I am convinced that her steely resolve not to let the shitty stuff in her life define her at that time has a lot to do with it.
Bec, if you read this, you are an inspiration and I, as always, wish you only the very best of luck with 'The Impossible'. You are doing it and no one can stop you now.
Wednesday, August 12, 2015
A family affair.
In my last post, I wrote, "Good news, we got into Montessori!" which my most avid reader, who also happens to be my Mum pointed out by saying, " In my mind, it's Hugo who got into Montessori, not the whole family."
My immediate reaction when reading this was to think, "That's true! Here I am being a helicopter mum, unable to separate myself from Hugo." but the more I think about it, the more I believe both statements are true.
Of course, it's Hugo who will be starting pre-school next year, not the rest of us. From that point, Hugo will start to have more and more life experiences that do not involve me, or any of us but that doesn't mean we'll be completely cast off to the side either.
In many ways, it will be a family affair.
First of all, the fact that Hugo was offered a spot there basically guarantees that Eloise will be offered a spot when she is old enough. Siblings get a priority which means that the ordeal of waiting lists one goes through with the first child is almost entirely eliminated for the subsequent ones. In that sense, it does mean that by association, Eloise got into Montessori too.
As for us, there is an assumption that parents will be involved with the pre-school. Yesterday, we received the enrolment forms and in there, parents are asked to tick the activities they would be happy to participate in should the need come up. The list is actually quite long and is as follows, :
- Help with excursions,
- Family picnics at the centre,
- Parent information nights,
- Visit to the centre for special events,
- Observations at the centre,
- Becoming a family helper for a morning,
- Bringing in a pet or special object to share with the children,
- Help with sewing or special craft activities,
- Graduation/Christmas celebrations,
- Contributing a skill/activity to the program (eg. play instrument, bath baby, talk about culture...)
I'm not sure that back in my pre-school days, any of this would have been expected of parents. I do remember my parents helping with some school excursions (which I looooved) but I imagine that the expectation would have been to drop off the child in the morning and come back in the evening.
These days though, the need for at least one parent to be involved with activities is pretty inevitable.
The surprising thing for me is that when I see that list, I actually get a little excited. I never ever thought I would be interested in doing stuff like that and that it would be an absolute chore but somehow, the opportunity to observe Hugo in that context and contribute to that experience is appealing to me. In any case, that means I am in as well!
So maybe that leaves Chris a little out in the cold while we all hang out at Montessori although he might well be the one dropping Hugo off in the mornings so Chris will know the centre and the people working there well too.
I think it's really exciting that they want parents to play a role and for us to work together with them for the child's best outcome. In the end, even with all the activities, our role will be limited, as it should be, but I like their open door policy and the fact that they want to create wide open communication channels with us. This is the first step towards building trust, for all of us.
Tuesday, August 11, 2015
The bane of being a grown-up...
... is paperwork. So much paperwork! It just seems like an endless stream of forms to fill out, documents to provide, fees to pay.
At the moment, I am knee deep in travel related paperwork. The fact that we have no plans to travel for a little while doesn't matter since we need to be ready to jump on a plane regardless.
In the last few weeks, I got new passports made for myself and for Eloise. My passport involved two trips to Sydney, whilst Eloise's will thankfully come in the mail. I also ordered a new id card which I'll have to go pick up in Sydney as well; a trip I'll be hoping to combine with picking up the kids' French passports as well. Although since there are quite a few steps before getting to that point, these might end up needing two separate trips.
I have also started looking into applying for my Australian citizenship since after 11 years here, I might as well stop having to renew and pay for various visas. The process itself isn't terribly complicated but will of course necessitate loads of documents and a trip to Sydney to take the citizenship test. I am hoping the ceremony can take place in Newcastle.
Once we all have Aussie and French passports, I'll start tackling the US ones... which, if not counting Chris', will leave me with only 9 passports to manage between the 3 of us.
Adding to that is the multitude of forms I have filled out in recent weeks to get Hugo enrolled in a pre-school for next year. (Good news, we got into Montessori!), let alone the admin stuff we need to do to claim the various family rebates we are eligible for from the governments.
All of this isn't even too bad but it certainly takes a clear head to try and keep track of it all... or a good pin board. However, If I'm completely honest, there is a small part of my slightly OCD brain that does enjoy crossing things off to-do lists. That's what's keeping me going :)
At the moment, I am knee deep in travel related paperwork. The fact that we have no plans to travel for a little while doesn't matter since we need to be ready to jump on a plane regardless.
In the last few weeks, I got new passports made for myself and for Eloise. My passport involved two trips to Sydney, whilst Eloise's will thankfully come in the mail. I also ordered a new id card which I'll have to go pick up in Sydney as well; a trip I'll be hoping to combine with picking up the kids' French passports as well. Although since there are quite a few steps before getting to that point, these might end up needing two separate trips.
I have also started looking into applying for my Australian citizenship since after 11 years here, I might as well stop having to renew and pay for various visas. The process itself isn't terribly complicated but will of course necessitate loads of documents and a trip to Sydney to take the citizenship test. I am hoping the ceremony can take place in Newcastle.
Once we all have Aussie and French passports, I'll start tackling the US ones... which, if not counting Chris', will leave me with only 9 passports to manage between the 3 of us.
Adding to that is the multitude of forms I have filled out in recent weeks to get Hugo enrolled in a pre-school for next year. (Good news, we got into Montessori!), let alone the admin stuff we need to do to claim the various family rebates we are eligible for from the governments.
All of this isn't even too bad but it certainly takes a clear head to try and keep track of it all... or a good pin board. However, If I'm completely honest, there is a small part of my slightly OCD brain that does enjoy crossing things off to-do lists. That's what's keeping me going :)
Beauty Girl
Normally, that's my nickname by my mum but there is definitely a new, much cuter, 'Beauty Girl' in town. We had another little impromptu photoshoot while Hugo was napping today. I love the concentration that goes into putting these soft little pudgy hands together and into the mouth... And then, of course, there is always those eyes...
The face.
This is the face Eloise makes when she wakes up in the carrier and gazes adoringly at us. Pretty irresistible.
Monday, August 3, 2015
Bar Beach.
Chris was sorting through the photos on his GoPro camera and rescued this batch we had taken before moving out of our beloved flat in Bar Beach. It's really funny seeing them after a whole year has passed since our big move.
I still miss our bedroom which was so bright and airy. When we lied in bed, we could hear the ocean and we were woken up with the wonderful sunshine pouring into the room every day. It was the most beautiful bedroom ever and our current one pales in comparison.
Of course, I also miss being so close to the ocean. How spoilt we were! To think that we could wake up, slip into our bathing suits, flick a towel over our shoulder and walk to the beach for a quick morning dip before heading to work. Amazing! And then, the endless walks I was able to take while Hugo slept in the pram, or the coffees by the beach after a difficult night. Although we no longer have the luxury of walking to the beach, we did once and enjoyed it thoroughly so no regrets.
On the other hand, the spaces seem so small to me now, and cramped. I know that they weren't but we are so spoilt for space in our current house that any normal sized room seems tiny to me now.
In any case, what a wonderful flat that was. I can't imagine a better way to start in a new city. We were very lucky indeed and seeing photos of the place will always make me feel a little nostalgic. I'm glad we took them.
And obviously, who would ever tire of photos of baby Hugo.
I still miss our bedroom which was so bright and airy. When we lied in bed, we could hear the ocean and we were woken up with the wonderful sunshine pouring into the room every day. It was the most beautiful bedroom ever and our current one pales in comparison.
Of course, I also miss being so close to the ocean. How spoilt we were! To think that we could wake up, slip into our bathing suits, flick a towel over our shoulder and walk to the beach for a quick morning dip before heading to work. Amazing! And then, the endless walks I was able to take while Hugo slept in the pram, or the coffees by the beach after a difficult night. Although we no longer have the luxury of walking to the beach, we did once and enjoyed it thoroughly so no regrets.
On the other hand, the spaces seem so small to me now, and cramped. I know that they weren't but we are so spoilt for space in our current house that any normal sized room seems tiny to me now.
In any case, what a wonderful flat that was. I can't imagine a better way to start in a new city. We were very lucky indeed and seeing photos of the place will always make me feel a little nostalgic. I'm glad we took them.
And obviously, who would ever tire of photos of baby Hugo.
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