All the good things.

I have been using this blog lately to do a couple of things. One is to keep my fingers moving and maintain some sort of 'writing flow' if there is such a thing. My aim is to write most days but not to write perfect entries so I don't do much editing or thinking ahead. I just sit down, type and hit "publish".

I also use it to dissect some of the thoughts that go around in my head. Writing a blogpost is a little like walking around in a dark room and shining a light into a corner. The things I write about are usually things I have been thinking about for a few days and I just want to get out my system.

As a result, the blog entries can give the impression that I am in a bit down at times. It's not the case. I feel absolutely fine. I do feel a bit low occasionally but I never stay there because overall, the good things far outweigh that bad things.

Hugo truly is an angel. Apart from looking like one, with his long eyelashes, his big dark eyes, his perfect little nose and beaming smile, his locks of soft red hair and velvet soft skin... He really is the most adorable little boy I have ever seen. He is kind and gentle. He is affectionate and likes a good laugh. He is adventurous and observant. He makes us laugh so much and makes our hearts burst with pride.

Today, to walk from the museum back to the carpark, he didn't want to hold my hand but he was so excited to hold his friend's hand. Hugo and Beau walked hand in hand, giggling in turns and beaming from ear to ear, to our cars. It was magical.

When I see other children throwing themselves on the floor, screaming, crying, refusing to share toys and hitting, I wonder why Hugo doesn't do any of that. It's amazing. All week-end, he encouraged Archie who is 10 months younger than him to play with all his toys, to hop on his bike, to read books together. He is so easy and good-natured.

And when he does need a little time out, all we have to do at the moment is sit him on his bed with a few books where he quietly sits and reads until he is calm again. Today, a friend asked me about 'time out' so I said that's what we do and then she asked, "but what if you're not at home?" and I realised that we had never been in that situation. It is such a joy not to have to worry about how things will go because they always go fine. The supermarket, the hairdresser, even the dentist. He has never made a scene anywhere. I am spoilt.

And with Eloise, I can't even completely get my head around how happy I am to have her. Having her against me all day is as much necessity as it is pleasure. I love stroking her soft little head and feeling her breath against my chest. I love having her next to me at night and occasionally waking up while she is still sleeping. I can watch her, and listen to her snoring softly next to me. It's heaven.

When she is awake, she smiles and smiles and smiles. She thinks we are the best thing that has ever happened. Not just to her but generally, to the whole world. She thinks we are awesome. She smiles and throws her little body back to laugh. Sometimes she squeals with delight and in those moments, I lose myself completely. In those moments, I am in heaven.

And the best thing of all is watching Hugo and Eloise together. When all people ever talk about is jealousy and conflict between children, watching Hugo stroke her when she cries, or trying to tickle her, or running towards us to give her a kiss before going to bed, I could just melt. And the way she watches him and looks at him with a smile, thinking that he is all things amazing wrapped into one bouncy package, is incomparable to anything I have ever experienced.

When I observe all of this and feel the joy and wholeness that children bring, I wonder how we managed to make such perfect little beings. And occasionally, I give myself (and Chris) a little pat on the back because somewhere in the chaos, we must be doing something right. 

So, how is it with two?

I get asked this question a lot and for now, my answer is always the same, "easier than I thought it would be."

Reading what other parents write about what it's like is generally enough to put you off the whole thing altogether. It's all so negative and conjures up images of all your worst nightmares rolled up into one: vomit, poo, cries, sleepless nights, mess, chaos, tantrums... and I won't even get started on how the process of giving birth is described. Anyway, it's a wonder anyone does it at all.

When I was pregnant, people kept telling me I was going to have my hands full, as if the generations before me didn't manage with the 14 kids they had. 'Busy' is the word these days, glorified and vilified in equal proportion. We're all complaining about how busy we are but repulsed at the idea of not doing much.

Of course, all the bad things are true. There is what seems like an endless amount of annoying little things to deal with every day and with two children, there is proportionally more of everything but, going from 0 children to 1 was definitely way more difficult than going from 1 to 2.

When having Hugo, I had to let go of so much. My free time, my independence, my control and replace it with his schedule, his needs, his demands. And I had to learn how to fill in the time so I wouldn't lose my mind with boredom completely.

All of that is in place now, our weeks go along more or less the same one after the other. We have places to be, things to do, people to meet and the only thing that has changed, is that Eloise comes along too. That's it.

Errands have become more difficult to run and the logistics are slightly more complicated but all the adjustments to our lifestyle were made a long time ago.

I am also doing things differently, mostly our of convenience. During the day, Eloise just sleeps in the baby carrier. It gets physically tiring but isn't nearly as stressful as trying to resettle her to sleep as I did with Hugo. I remember feeling that I spent hours getting him to sleep and keeping him asleep. With Eloise, I hardly even think about it. If she looks tired, I strap her on, bounce a little and get on with what I was doing. This arrangement might not suit me forever so we'll change it then. In the meantime, life is peaceful.

At night, Eloise sleeps next to me which also just makes life so much easier. She's 15 weeks old and I haven't felt sleep deprived yet because apart from feeding her when she stirs, I hardly ever have to physically get up. I get enough sleep to feel fine, provided I go to bed fairly early. Being able to function and enjoy my days with both of them is all I can ask for at this stage. When this arrangement doesn't work for us anymore, we'll change it. But until then, we'll keep doing what we're doing because it's working.

There are moments when everything falls apart. Both children are crying and I can't sort them out fast enough. Thankfully, it doesn't happen too often. The rest of the time, Eloise sits in her bouncer while I dress Hugo or Hugo jumps off the couch while I feed Eloise. It's not especially relaxing or easy but we get through the days, one by one and have fun doing it.

I think that I have also adjusted my expectations this time. I accept that Hugo will get less attention and that Eloise won't ever get as much as Hugo did. More than that would be impossible to achieve on my own but they aren't suffering anyway because what was taken away with Eloise's birth will be replenished and overflowing with what they will both gain from having each other.

A couple years back, a friend of mine was expecting her second son and when I asked her how it was with two, she simply said, "double trouble, double fun." I only wish we would all focus a little more on the fun part.

Watch out for that foot Eloise!

The common cold.

Eloise had her first blocked nose yesterday at 14 weeks of age. Hugo was almost one the first time he got sick. It's amazing to think about how much more sheltered the first child can be, not to have been exposed to anything for almost a whole year.

Poor Eloise on the other hand doesn't have much hope to stay germ-free, particularly if Hugo does start pre-school in a few months. He's guaranteed to get sick more often and by extension, the rest of our household.

Thankfully, although Chris is somewhat susceptible to catching other people's viruses, I continue to have the toughest immune system in the world. I can't even remember the last time I caught a serious cold. Let's hope it stays this way and that both our children continue to fight off germs as quickly as possible.

They both seem better today, thanks to the age old combination of sleep, milk and panadol. 

Montessori.

Oh oh, I visited another preschool today and loved it even more than the last one. Luckily though, it isn't inconceivable that Hugo could get a spot there if we are lucky.

We were invited to observe the Montessori pre-school which is just a 10 minute walk from our house. I loved instantly, not least because a lovely young man was working there and he reminded me of Paulu.

In the Montessori approach, everything is done to encourage independence at a young age. Children set the pace and content of what they call an 'emergent' curriculum, as it emerges from the children's interest. The teachers keep detailed records of what each child is up to and interested in, as they follow their lead and evolving interests.

This aspiration to nurture autonomy is felt in every sense and it was easy to notice the children taking charge of themselves. The place was so quiet and peaceful, each child busily working at something, under the watchful but somewhat distant gaze of the teachers.

In the main space, there is a little kitchen bench for water. There, every child keeps a drinking cup. It has their name on it and is ceramic. They are expected to look after it and be careful enough not to break it. There is a little step so that they can pour filtered water into their cup, drink, and then clean and dry their cup themselves. Tasks of real life are blended into the more traditional school activities such as painting, playdough, playing etc...

From research, I knew that the general approach would appeal to me but I wasn't expecting to feel the calm and peace that came with it. I loved it and would really love for Hugo to attend their program. I can just see him fitting in perfectly in what seems like a nurturing environment with ambitious aims for the each child.

The good news is that they do have quite a few open spots which they are in the process of filling in. Enrolments should be finalised in the next few weeks but since we can be flexible with the days Hugo would attend, we might have a chance.

What's nice is that if it doesn't work out, the other one will and would be perfectly fine but in an ideal world, I know this is where I would like Hugo to be. Fingers crossed xx