I have just rediscovered this post, written a couple months ago and never posted. It's interesting for me to read it now and remember exactly what headspace I was in when I wrote it. In some ways, life is easier today than it was then. There is plenty to do but our lives feel less pulled apart between children, work, renovations and everything else we were trying to finish before the birth of Eloise.
I still think of this time I have ahead of me with the children as an opportunity to grow, rather than to shrink. I hope I can realise it.
I've been a little in the dumps recently.
It's not due to a single factor but rather a combination of many things. Moving into the later stages of pregnancy and the physical exhaustion that comes with it, a busy and changing toddler to entertain and wrangle, house renovations which take up any spare moment Chris might have when he isn't working full-time, the heat, constant pain in my hips and a justified amount of fear at the thought of everything I have slowly regained and am about to give up again for a while.
I am ending this pregnancy in a very different mindset and context to the last time when I was very busy getting work done, fostering a thriving social life, taking refreshing dips in the ocean every morning and evening, enjoying the good life while we could...
This time, I am in the unpleasant situation of trying to get paid for work I did months ago, my social life is alive but less varied, and going to the beach has turned into an exhausting expedition that usually leaves me feeling more depleted than refreshed.
In other words, I have been in the dumps because all that is 'gone' - even temporarily - seems to be standing in the way of all I have gained. And I have gained a lot!
In any case, the power of the mind to find the light is inspiring as I asked myself how I could turn this time into something positive, enriching and inspiring not only for my children, but for myself too despite having limited access to work and free time.
I asked myself if the next two years could somehow become a time of personal growth, which would help me feel ready for the aftermath of raising small children. A time to grow skills and confidence in areas I haven't been able to fully explore until now. A time to help me feel prepared and in control of what happens after.
This is a chance. With full-time work, Chris would be hard-pressed to find the time to explore other skills and interest. He simply wouldn't have the time or inclination to add more to his already full schedule. He's lucky if he managed to go kayaking a couple of times a week.
My plan might be a little ambitious for the next few months as we re-adjust to broken sleep and the demands of a growing baby with a toddler on top of it but I have a few ideas of which skills I want to develop and this gives me focus. It gives me the impression that I am planning ahead and that when the time comes, I won't be standing there with two kids at the school gate and not the slightest clue of what I am supposed to do with myself.
I still think of this time I have ahead of me with the children as an opportunity to grow, rather than to shrink. I hope I can realise it.
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I've been a little in the dumps recently.
It's not due to a single factor but rather a combination of many things. Moving into the later stages of pregnancy and the physical exhaustion that comes with it, a busy and changing toddler to entertain and wrangle, house renovations which take up any spare moment Chris might have when he isn't working full-time, the heat, constant pain in my hips and a justified amount of fear at the thought of everything I have slowly regained and am about to give up again for a while.
I am ending this pregnancy in a very different mindset and context to the last time when I was very busy getting work done, fostering a thriving social life, taking refreshing dips in the ocean every morning and evening, enjoying the good life while we could...
This time, I am in the unpleasant situation of trying to get paid for work I did months ago, my social life is alive but less varied, and going to the beach has turned into an exhausting expedition that usually leaves me feeling more depleted than refreshed.
In other words, I have been in the dumps because all that is 'gone' - even temporarily - seems to be standing in the way of all I have gained. And I have gained a lot!
In any case, the power of the mind to find the light is inspiring as I asked myself how I could turn this time into something positive, enriching and inspiring not only for my children, but for myself too despite having limited access to work and free time.
I asked myself if the next two years could somehow become a time of personal growth, which would help me feel ready for the aftermath of raising small children. A time to grow skills and confidence in areas I haven't been able to fully explore until now. A time to help me feel prepared and in control of what happens after.
This is a chance. With full-time work, Chris would be hard-pressed to find the time to explore other skills and interest. He simply wouldn't have the time or inclination to add more to his already full schedule. He's lucky if he managed to go kayaking a couple of times a week.
My plan might be a little ambitious for the next few months as we re-adjust to broken sleep and the demands of a growing baby with a toddler on top of it but I have a few ideas of which skills I want to develop and this gives me focus. It gives me the impression that I am planning ahead and that when the time comes, I won't be standing there with two kids at the school gate and not the slightest clue of what I am supposed to do with myself.
The last sentence of this post could take us straight to the one on "the excitement of familiarity" and the subject of one's inner resources which, when developed, guarantee us that we are never bored or lost.
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